The Way it Should Have Been
by C.I.TigerFan
Summary: From Smile through Depths, past Purgatory and that ridiculous goodbye, and into the present!
1. Chapter 1

This picks up just after "Smile" but before "Depths" in season 7. This fic has previously been published but it was a long time ago and you have to start here to get the rest. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Don't own them. Wouldn't know what to so with them if I did!

Chapter 1

This is the third day in a row she's left without so much as a "see you later," Bobby thought as he watched Alex stride quickly to the elevator. As she disappeared around the corner, Bobby jumped up out of his chair sending it flying four feet or so back, grabbed his suit coat, and took off after her. He caught her in the parking garage just as she got to her car.

"Alex!" he said as he leaned on her car, bent over, out of breath.

"What 'ya do, take the stairs? Try a cardio workout one time Bobby".

"Look, I know you're upset. I just don't know why… exactly".

"Took you four days to figure out I was upset. Small wonder you don't know why, _exactly_, it is that I am upset".

"Can we get some dinner and talk? Do you have plans?"

Alex sucked in a breath and paused for a moment. "I don't know that I'm in the best mood right now Bobby. I'm not sure I feel like hashing it out tonight."

Bobby's hand went to his pocket and he fell back against her car. He shuffled his feet for a second and turned back to face her. "Please?" was all he could say.

Alex paused, fought a yes/no battle in her mind and answered with, "OK, let's walk".

They emerged from the parking garage through the pedestrian entrance and encountered New York at dusk. There was a cool breeze and a full harvest moon. They walked a good five minutes without a word. Bobby reached over to put a hand on the small of her back, ushering her to the left at the crosswalk. Another three blocks, and still not a word.

Alex stopped short and crossed her arms over her chest. She leaned on one hip and with still a hint of disdain, she quietly asked "Where are we going Bobby?".

Bobby stopped just in front of her. He turned to the side and started inching down the sidewalk. As he scooted away, he said almost desperately, "It's just here, around the corner." He pleaded with his puppy brown eyes, eyebrows arched, and head nodding in encouragement. Alex could only snort and shake her head. He slowed and waited for her to catch up. When they turned the corner, Alex stopped short again. This time her hands fell to her side and her jaw dropped in reaction to this hidden treasure that only Bobby could know about. She turned her head toward Bobby and her mouth formed the start of "What" but nothing came out. She turned back to the stunning courtyard overflowing with trees and bushes and fall blooming flowers. Bobby held out his arm beckoning her to enter through the opened iron gates. Under a large oak tree, stood a single iron bench. Bobby walked over to it and took a seat smiling as Alex walked the edges of the garden. The sounds of the city at early evening were barely audible here. Alex stopped in the center of the garden, five feet in front of Bobby.

"What is this place?" she said in a quiet voice.

Bobby stood and walked over to her. He scooted in behind her and leaned in as he pointed to an old brick building visible over the stone wall at the far left of the courtyard. "That building use to be the state mental hospital. My mom had weekly, sometimes twice weekly visits here for years. I found this courtyard on one of her visits. They used to keep the iron gate we came through, locked. They let some of the more permanent residents tend the gardens. My mom stayed here one time for a month or so when I was sixteen. Those azalea bushes were her personal project. Well they aren't really bushes, I guess," he said almost under his breath as he stepped backed from Alex and looked down at his ever moving feet. Alex turned to watch him. "They're actually flowering shrubs in the _Rhododendron_ family. They flower all at once in the spring. They have so many stems that when they bloom, they become a solid sea of color". He jerked forward again and pointed to the shrubs. "Those two have white blooms". Alex looked over her shoulder. Bobby moved closer. "And that one in the middle is a brilliant red". For a split second, his chin rested on her shoulder while he pointed. "My mom had me bring it to her. She thought it the perfect punch line to drop a fire engine red azalea shrub right in the middle of two angelic white ones". When Alex turned back to Bobby he was looking past the shrubs, toward the old brick building with a sad smile on his face.

"You'll have to bring me back in the spring so I can see".

Bobby turned his head and looked at Alex, her eyes were soft again, sincere. A quiet moment passed when Bobby suddenly spun on one heel and came face to face with Alex. "I'm sorry... I've been... hard on you. This past year, … it's been hard."

"Yes it has. I feel like you don't trust me anymore, Bobby"

His head shot up. "What?"

"What do you mean, 'What?!'? You've spent the better part of this past year pushing me away. I just assume it's because you don't trust me anymore."

"No, No," he said frantically, "You couldn't be more wrong, Alex. It's just... I... well, I..."

"What Bobby?"

"I don't even know where to start."

"How do you think I felt finding out about your mother second hand to Ray Wizenski? How do you think I felt when you told me to 'Back Off'? How do you think I felt Bobby, when you guilted me into trusting you and letting you go see Mark Ford Brady by yourself? And, how do you think I felt when you tore open Joe's case with no warning? Yes, Bobby, I would say it's been a hard year."

Bobby was stunned. All he could do was stare at her. His mind was racing to the point of dizziness.

"You really had no idea did you Bobby"? And with that, Alex turned and hurried out of at the courtyard. Bobby didn't even have it in him to follow. He sank back on the bench, stunned. "How could I have been so unaware"?

TBC

A/N I thought it would be easier to republish an edited "Working it Out" rather than having readers have to go and find it. Thanks for reading. Reviews always appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2

This chapter is dedicated to Alex and how she spent the rest of the day. Hope you enjoy and please review. Thanks!!!

Chapter 2

"_Follow me Bobby! Get up and come after me,_" she thought, but she couldn't, she wouldn't look back. Alex walked straight back to 1PP, got in her car, and never did look back. If she had, she would have seen Bobby, still on that bench, defeated.

By the time Alex reached her home, the tears had started to fall. "_Why do I let him do this to me? That's it. Alex, my girl, never again. What did I expect anyway, there in that beautiful courtyard, a confession of undying love? I'm an idiot. And, I'm through with this. We'll just be partners. Get through each case one at a time. I'll come home and do whatever it is I do when I'm not thinking about him. I'm a strong, independent woman and I'll be just fine."_ She grabbed her bag and forced herself up the stairs. But the sight of an empty house was just too much. She closed the door behind her and slid down to the floor in a heap. The tears flowed freely. "_Damn it Bobby_."

At long last, the tears slowed. Alex dried her eyes and made it as far as the kitchen. She let out a sigh and popped the top on a can of Coke. She took a sip, and sat at the kitchen table thumbing through the day's mail. Finding nothing of any interest, she ran her fingers through her hair and took in a deep cleansing breath. Off to the bathroom she went. "_A nice long, hot bath, followed by a cup of hot chocolate, Gladiator (nothing like a little butt kicking to make you feel better) and then bed. __I will not think about Bobby_" was her last thought before slipping into the tub.

Half way through the movie, the phone rang. She half hoped and half dreaded Bobby was on the other end. The caller ID read Michael McCalister. It was her sister calling. She answered the phone as cheery as possible, "Hey Sis!"

"Hey Alex, what's going on with you?" Libby asked in just as cheery a tone.

"Not much, long day." Alex said.

"Uh huh, how's Bobby?"

"He's fine"

"He's at your house, isn't he?", she said rather mischieveously.

"No, unfortunately, he is not." The cheery tone was gone and sadness threatened to creep right through. Her sister sensed it immediately.

"You two having trouble?"

"Same ol' same ol'"

"What do ya' mean?"

"It's complicated. Bobby has a lot going on right now."

"Like what?"

"Well, I don't know exactly. What I do know is that it doesn't involve me".

"Oh, Alex. Why don't you just tell him how you feel? I mean, come on, you've been pining over the guy for years now."

"First of all, I have not been pining. Second of all, it's complicated."

"Yeah, you said that already. And I'm not buying it. What's the real hold up, Alex?"

"I don't know. It's just… I used to think he cared about me. I was sure of it. Just when I thought we had a chance, he told me to 'back off'. It was last year, at Thanksgiving. I just... I can't get past it. You don't tell someone you care about to back off."

"Well, why don't you start there? Tell him he hurt your feelings. Find out if he meant, 'back off I can't involve you with this' or 'back off, this isn't going to work between us'. I mean, what have you got to lose, Alex? You're miserable like this."

"That's just it. I've got everything to lose. If I can't have Bobby outside of work, I at least want him with me _at_ work. If I tell him how I feel, and it's not reciprocated, things would never be comfortable again."

"Look, all I know is that you can't keep going like this. You've got to resolve things with Bobby one way or another."

"Yeah… I know, I know. Now, enough about me. How's Nathan?"

Alex and her sister finished their conversation and Alex suddenly felt very alone. She still had to quiet her nerves at times. Since Joe Gage, she rarely entered a room in the house without flipping on the light first. She checked her cell phone for messages, of which there were none, and scootched in under the covers. They were cold, and she was painfully aware of the vast expanse of her queen sized bed. There was plenty of room for someone else now that she had truly let the ghost of her husband go. She had been so hurt and so angry at Bobby for opening those old wounds, but in the end, he was right. In opening those old wounds, Alex realized she had never let Joe go. She visited his grave the day after they booked the doctor. She asked Bobby to take her to the cemetery at lunch. He had stayed in the SUV while Alex visited Joe's grave. She knelt on the dirt in front of his head stone. "We got him Joe. This time we really got him. Bobby helped. I've told you about Bobby before. He's a good man. It killed him to reopen your case. I could see it in his eyes. He knew how much it hurt me too, but he was right, and I think he actually did it for me". She took a deep breath and felt her lip start to quiver. She looked down at her clasped hands and back up at the head stone. "I have to let you go Joe. I couldn't do it before. It's been so hard here without you". The tears spilled down her cheeks, faster than she could wipe them away. "I love you Joe, I always will, but it's time. You need to rest, and I need to live. I stopped doing that the day you died. So, I'm here today... to let you go... and to let you know, that I'm OK". She kissed her hand and placed that kiss over his name. She stood and wiped her face. When Bobby saw her heading back to the SUV, he stepped out of the truck. Alex stopped just short of his reach and started to cry again. Bobby stepped forward and, for once, held her without hesitation. She relaxed into his embrace and cried into his chest. He rested his chin on her head and was content in just being there for her. As her sobs began to quiet, they reluctantly parted. Bobby held her hands and gave her a small, comforting smile. At that moment, Alex had thought she could see everything in his eyes. She was sure that he knew this trip was about letting go of Joe to make room for him. She was sure that, in that moment, they both knew.

"How could I have been so wrong?," she said in slightly more than a whisper. One tear escaped out of the corner of her eye. She turned over on her side, away from the door toward the window. The moon was full and the night sky was uncommonly clear. Alex drifted into a restless sleep.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

This is how Bobby spent the rest of his day.

Chapter 3

Bobby found himself back at 1PP not exactly sure how he got there. He considered going back upstairs to muddle through some unfinished paperwork, but he knew concentration would be futile. Instead, he got into the SUV and headed home. Once home, he tossed the mail on the table and headed to his bedroom. He flopped down on the bed and took in a deep breath. His arm came to rest over his eyes as he tried to quiet his mind. It was no use. All he could see was the hurt on her face and all he could feel was guilt for having been the cause. He sat up and loosened his tie with a sigh. He kicked off his shoes and stood to change clothes. He chose a pair of well worn jeans and an old faded NYPD t-shirt. Alex had slept in that t-shirt once. It hung down to her knees. It was right after she returned from maternity leave. She was exhausted at the time, they both were. They had left the office at well past midnight. Alex was too tired to drive. It was the first time she had slept on his couch. He had not slept at all. Having her that close was torture. He had held off washing that shirt until long after her scent had faded completely from the fabric. Bobby smiled at the memory of Alex in his t-shirt, but joy was quickly replaced by guilt. He made his way to the kitchen. In the frig, he found nothing to entice his appetite. He looked at his watch. Eight o'clock, Friday night. Lewis would be hosting his weekly poker night at the shop. He and Alex had gone together on several occasions. It was fun watching her interact with his friends. She was beautiful when she laughed. It had been a while since he had even seen her smile, at least at him. Bobby grabbed his old flannel shirt off the back of the chair and headed out the door.

Twenty minutes later, Bobby pulled into the parking lot a Lewis's garage. He hesitated before going in, knowing he wouldn't be great company. He turned off the engine and went in anyway. The last place he wanted to be right now was alone with his thoughts.

"Hey Bobby – What's up man?"

"Hey Lewis". The two men embraced like old friends do.

"Where's Detective Alex?"

Bobby stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Um, at home … I guess."

"You two have a fight?"

"Nah, we're alright"

"Right" Lewis said. "Grab a cold one and ante up. I'm getting ready to take everybody's money."

Bobby smiled and joined the game – five card stud- Lewis' favorite game.

Several hours later, with one very warm Miller Light still in hand, Bobby excused himself from the table. Lewis watched him walk toward the office. When Bobby came out of the "executive" bathroom, Lewis was waiting. "What gives Bobby?" Lewis stood firmly between Bobby and the office exit.

"What do you mean?"

Lewis rolled his eyes. "Come on Bobby. It's Alex isn't it?"

"No." Bobby said with a little too much tenor in his voice.

"What happened?"

Bobby took a deep breath. His mouth opened, but only his hands began to speak. They were flying wildly around his head like two trapped birds. Then, right on queue, he started to pace. Lewis just leaned against the door and patiently waited for Bobby to gather his thoughts. Bobby stopped and again opened his mouth to speak, but, again, nothing came out. He sighed and started pacing again. This time, when he stopped, it all came flowing out. "I'm afraid I… I pushed too hard this time. She tried to be there for me, time and time again, but I wouldn't let her. Every time she got close, I just shut down. Last Thanksgiving I... I said some things that I shouldn't have. I know I hurt her. Things were getting better, and then I re-opened her husband's case. I had t... I… I think she understood that we had to do it, but I should have handled things better... I should have, I don't know, warned her first or kept her out of it, I don't know… but, I think I really blew it this time." He stopped pacing and looked to Lewis for an answer

"I thought you two seemed pretty solid at your mom's funeral."

"We were. At least I thought we were" He started to pace again. Back and forth until suddenly, he just stopped. His expression softened, but he continued to ring his hands. "She stayed with me… the night of the funeral. Frank didn't show… I was so angry. Mom was gone… I was just so… sad… a... and lost. I was setting on the couch in my apartment. I saw her walk past me out of the corner of my eye. Then I heard music… it was turned down low… Ella Fitzgerald. I looked up and she was kneeling in front of me. She put her hands on my knees and… and when she reached for me, my hands just went to hers. The way she looked at me… I knew... I just knew everything was gonna' be OK". He looked at Lewis and his hands fell to his sides. "I started to cry. I was just so tired... overwhelmed. It was the first time I had cried since Mom died. She sat next to me on the couch. I collapsed with my head in her lap… When I woke up the next morning, she was still there. She was lying next to me on the couch, still holding on to me… I swear Lewis, I've never felt so safe."

"You're in love with her" was Lewis' only answer.

Bobby started to nod, ever so slightly, and in not much more than a whisper he agreed. "Yeah… Yeah I am"

"This is a good thing Bobby. You and Alex, it's just right…. And good. What are you waiting for?"

"It's just… I just... I don't see how she could love me."

"Knock it off Bobby. What are you talking about?"

"Look at me Lewis, I'm a wreck… I'm a train wreck."

"Bobby," Lewis said, very matter-of-factly, "You've had a lot of bad crap in your life. More than anyone should, but**,** I really don't think any of that matters to Alex. She's been through a lot too. The point is Bobby. I've seen you two together. It's just…….**right."**

"So what do I do now?"

"Apologize"

Bobby let out a breath.

"Then stop talking and show her how you feel" Lewis grinned and danced his eyebrows.

Bobby snorted and shook his head.

Lewis stepped to the side and swung open the office door. "So go."

"What... now?"

"No time like the present my friend"

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Bobby pulled up outside of Alex's house. It was 2:03AM. One light was on, in the den. He knew she always kept this one on at night now, ever since the Gages had entered her life. His stomach clinched at the thought of her ordeal. He took a deep breath and looked toward her bedroom window.

"If I wake her up, she'll probably shoot me." He chuckled in spite of himself.

He cut the engine and leaned back in his seat. He remembered bringing her home from the hospital after her kidnapping. She had stopped just short of the door, paralyzed, eyes wide with fear. Her breathing quickened. She was frozen in that spot. Bobby had maneuvered around her stopping briefly at her side to squeeze her arm in an attempt at comfort. He unlocked the door and stepped into the house, leaving the door wide open. It was late-afternoon. Even so, Bobby went through the house turning on every light he could find. He went back to the doorway and held out an open hand to his partner. The movement broke Alex's stare. She looked at Bobby, dazed, and then down at his open hand. She hesitated briefly before taking it. He led her safely through the door.

Still holding hands, they moved into the den where Jo Gage had blindsided Alex. Bobby had removed the birdcage where Polly had lived and had made sure the carpets were clean and all the furniture was in its proper place. In the den, Alex started to shake. Bobby squeezed her hand and gently ushered her toward and down the hallway. They moved into her bedroom, and Bobby set the duffle bag he was carrying on a chair in the corner. Alex moved from the doorway to the bed. She lowered herself gingerly onto the edge. She sat straight, perfectly straight, and held on to the bed with clinched fists. Her breaths were still coming quickly. Bobby's heart ached for her, and his mind was riddled with guilt. He sat next to her on the bed and put his arm around her shoulders. She turned into him, rested her head on his chest, and started to cry. He put his other arm around her and held her as close as he could. She grabbed his shirt and balled it into her fist. She took a deep breath and let out a muffled scream of frustration. Bobby placed his forehead on the top of her head. It was all he could do not to break down with her. He kissed the top of her head and let his chin rest comfortably in the same spot. Her tears began to subside and her hand fell to her lap. She pulled away slowly and started to wipe at her face. They never said a word – they didn't have to. She stood without looking at him and disappeared into her bathroom.

"It was my fault - all her pain - everything she went through - it was my fault." He leaned forward, elbows on his knees. He ran his hands through his hair and hid his face between his forearms. What Bobby didn't know, was that, in that moment on the bed, Alex had felt safe, safe enough to scream, safer than she had felt in a very long time, the Gages be damned. Bobby heard her pull the shower curtain back and, without even thinking, he charged toward the bathroom. He found her in her underwear, ripping the curtain from its hooks, one by one, in a blind fury. He stopped just short of her and let her do what she needed to do. With the curtain defeated on the floor, Alex started to sway. Bobby grabbed her just as she bent to wretch. With one arm around her shoulders and one arm around her tiny waist, he guided her to the toilet and helped her to her knees. While Alex lost what little she had eaten for lunch, Bobby knelt with her. He held her hair back from her face. When she was finished, Bobby started to move away in search of a rag. Alex grabbed his arm. "Don't go".

"I'm not going anywhere," Bobby promised. And he meant it, heart and sole.

Without getting up, he stretched to grab a hand towel from the sink. Without losing contact with Alex, he stretched further to wet the towel. Bobby helped Alex lean against the wall and wiped her forehead with the cold, wet rag. She was pale as a ghost, clammy, and she was sweating.

"I'll run you a bath. You just sit"

Alex nodded and Bobby moved to fill the tub. "Do you need anything for pain?"

"Maybe some Ibuprofen"

Alex had her eyes closed and the back of her head was resting against the wall.

"You don't want your prescription?" Bobby encouraged.

She gently shook her head "no". "They make me dizzy. I don't like 'em"

"Ok. Stay there. I'll be right back."

Bobby returned shortly with three Ibuprofen and a small glass of Sprite. He knelt in front of her and passed her the meds. He sent her a small, comforting smile and walked to the tub to stop the water. He checked the temperature and put an extra large bath towel in easy reach of the tub. He went back to help Alex to her feet. Together they made it to the side of the tub. Bobby turned around and waited with his back turned until he heard her say, "OK, I'm in."

"I'll be just outside this door if you need me."

Thirty minutes later, Alex emerged from the bathroom wrapped in the bath towel Bobby had left for her. He stood to face her. He couldn't help but scan her, head to toe. She had never looked fragile to him before. It scared the hell out of him. He realized he was staring and started to fidget.

Alex smiled. "I need to get my clothes," she said shyly and pointed past him to the dresser drawers.

"Oh. Right… I'll a… I'll just wait," He pointed toward the den. "I'll just wait for you... in the den." He backed toward the bedroom door.

Alex nodded and watched him leave.

Bobby was on the couch reading one of her magazines when she stepped into the den. He hadn't heard her coming. She watched him for a minute before her eyes trailed over to the place where Jo Gage had struck her. She sucked in a breath and Bobby jumped, realizing she had entered the room. He stood facing her, holding the magazine down by his side. He stared at her for a moment thinking how beautiful she looked in a simple cotton pajama set. It was light blue, a loose fitting peasant style shirt and long, loose pants. Alex interrupted his thoughts. "What are you reading there?" she teased.

"What… Oh… nothing... I, ah, found..." He dropped the Vogue back onto the coffee table.

Alex chuckled and moved past him to set on the couch. She flipped on the TV and looked up at Bobby. He sat back down on the couch next to her. Alex leaned onto his side. Bobby put his arm around her and shifted so that she would be more comfortable. "Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm good now"

She snuggled into his embrace and, before too long, drifted off to sleep. Bobby carried her to her bed all the while thinking, "If she knew I was carrying her, she'd kick my ass". He tucked her in and shut off the overhead light, leaving the light on her night stand burning. After a quick shower in the guest bathroom, he made himself comfortable on the couch. He would spend many nights at her house over the next couple of months. He usually fell asleep on the couch, but ended up holding Alex in her bed after one of her nightmares. He slept easily next to her. Although he wished for nothing more than an end to her nightmares, he selfishly looked forward to waking up next to her in the early hours of the morning. Bobby always awoke before Alex, always content to simply watch her sleep.

Bobby looked back up at Alex's house. He missed spending time with her there. He missed spending "down time" with her anywhere. Most of all, he missed Alex. Bobby took a deep breath and hesitated before starting up the SUV. With one last look at the house, he put the SUV in drive and pulled away slowly. He was thinking about how he would make this right. "Tomorrow," he said out loud, and a small smile escaped to grace his weary face.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thanks for reading. This story, especially the title, is a snub to NBC/USA for their treatment of two of my all time favorite characters. I'm especially upset that one of them may die in the season opener. That just kills me! Hope you enjoy the way I think things should have been.

Chapter 5

Alex awoke later than she meant to. It was 8:30 and she was hungry. She made her way to the bathroom and stopped to look at herself in the mirror. She smoothed the lines she saw in the mirror with her fingers and then turned sideways and sucked in her tummy as far as she could. "Aaaaaah" she growled. "When did I get so old?" It's not that she disliked what she saw. She was still an attractive woman. It was more the fact that, being this age usually came with... perks. Perks she was sure she deserved. She even found herself longing for them on occasion: children, a husband, a "regular" job with "normal" hours. She lifted her eyebrows with her thumbs and took in her features, first to the left and then to the right. Her hands fell to her side and she let out a big sigh. "Move on Alex," she said to herself in the mirror and headed out of the bathroom to the kitchen.

She turned into the kitchen and flipped on the light. "What the hell?"

There in the middle of her table was a small bouquet of Gerber daisies tied with a yellow ribbon and a note lying next to a small white paper sack. Alex leaned back out of the kitchen and scanned the den. Nothing there. The hall was clear both directions as well. She looked back to the table. She started scratching her thumbs with her ring fingers the way she always did when she was anxious. She studied the bouquet from the doorway for a minute before advancing to the table. She picked up the note, careful to lift the top fold with only the lightest touch of her thumb. She was a detective after all. Her eyes immediately went to the signature.

"Bobby"

Without taking her eyes from his name, she pulled out a chair and sat on her folded leg to read the note.

_Alex,_

_You were right, in the garden. I have a lot of explaining to do. Please let me take you out tonight. I want to make things right. More than anything, I want us to be right. I'll pick you up at 6:00. If you aren't here, I'll understand._

_Yours,_

_Bobby_

Alex looked up from reading the note. Her heart was pounding. She reached for the daisies and took in their fresh fragrance. They smelled like spring, like new beginnings. Her body gave an uncontrolled shudder. She laid the bouquet back on the table, unconsciously refusing to let go of the note. She reached for the white paper sack. Inside she found two chess pastries, her absolute favorite. She smiled in spite of herself. "Bobby" she breathed. She stood with the note still in hand and went to start the coffee maker. Maybe this day wouldn't be so bad after all.

9:30 AM. Bobby was in the SUV heading back to Lewis' garage. An old favorite, "With or Without You" was playing on the radio. His mind wondered to Alex. "Surely she's found them by now," he thought and he looked at his watch. He allowed a faint smile to cross his face. He had no idea how to explain his behavior to her tonight, that is, if she even showed up. He wouldn't blame her if she didn't. She had given him plenty of chances in the past. He just hoped he was wrong, that it wasn't too late. The thought of spending the rest of his days without her was just too much. Losing his mother, losing his brother again to drugs and gambling, losing his grip when Mark Ford Brady entered his life, those losses he could handle. After all, he had been conditioned to handle loss, regret, and disappointment, but with Alex it was different. That kind of loss, he simply could not take.

Bobby pulled into Lewis' shop and found his friend working underneath a new Chevy Camaro.

"Wheeeeeeeew", Bobby whistled as he made his way to the car.

Lewis slid out from under the car. "Nice, huh?"

"I'll say." Bobby raised an eyebrow as he ran his hand down the black racing stripe.

"Too bad it's crap underneath." Bobby helped Lewis up with an outstretched hand.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I think they rushed crankin' 'em out." Lewis tossed Bobby a clean shop towel.

"Soooo, how did it go last night with Alex?"

"I didn't see Alex." Bobby circled the car to get a full view.

"You're such a wuss."

"No. I went by her house and all the lights were off. She was either gone or asleep so I went home." Bobby kept his eyes on the Camaro but continued to talk. "I left something for her on her kitchen table though early this morning."

"You broke into her house?" Lewis couldn't believe what he had just heard.

"No, I didn't break into her house. I have a key. Besides, it's not like I watched her sleeping or anything. I'm not a stalker. I just left some breakfast on her table and a note."

"You watched her sleeping didn't you" Lewis said flatly.

"No! I didn't… I thought about it, but I didn't"

Lewis chuckled. "So what did the note say?"

"I just asked her if I could take her out tonight. I'm picking her up at six… at her house… if she shows."

"She'll show"

"I wouldn't blame her if she didn't" Bobby was now studying his feet intently.

"Bobby, the first thing you have to do is lose the self-pity."

"What?" His head snapped up.

Lewis had his nose in a box of tools. "You heard me. Quit looking at your feet. Stand still. And tell her you're an idiot. Tell her the real reason you acted like such a jerk. And then tell her, no, show her, how you feel."

Bobby leaned against the Camaro and brought one arm to rest around his waist. He brought his other hand to his mouth and started to chew on his knuckles.

"And quit chewing on your knuckles. It's just weird."

Bobby dropped his hand to his side and furrowed his brow.

Lewis found the wrench he was looking for, "You here to get the Mustang?"

"Yeah, I don't want to take her out in the same thing we ride around in at work."

Bobby and Lewis had rebuilt a 1965 Mustang a couple of years ago. As kids, it had been their dream car. Some dreams you just don't let go of. Alex had helped more than a few times with the rebuild. She had accompanied Bobby to the garage on Saturdays and had ended up as greasy as the two of them. It had taken only one Saturday for Lewis to realize that any notion he had of asking Detective Alex out was best left unsaid. It was obvious, at least to everyone but the two of them, that Bobby and Alex were made for each other.

"I'm surprised you haven't taken her out in it already. I seem to remember Alex making that very suggestion a couple of years ago". Alex was at the shop the Saturday they finished the rebuild. When Lewis turned the engine over, Alex had let out a giddy little scream. Bobby had pumped his fist and let out a quiet but emphatic "Yes!!" Alex had turned and hugged him in the joy of the moment. Bobby had been too stunned to even respond. By the time he had gathered himself back together, Alex was in the backseat and Lewis was yelling at him to get in. They took a drive up the coast and spent one of the best days Bobby could recall. That night, when Bobby dropped Alex off at home, she had turned to him and said, "Thanks Bobby. I haven't had that much fun in a long time. You'll have to take me out in the Mustang again sometime, just the two of us." Bobby had to laugh when he thought back to how he had answered her. "You don't like Lewis?" Alex had snorted and shook her head. "Goodnight Bobby."

"Earth to Bobby……….Hello Detective Goren!"

Bobby blinked and looked at Lewis blankly for a second or two.

"Where'd you go man?"

"Nowhere"

"Right"

"Thanks man."

"Yep"

Bobby continued his slow journey around the Camaro. "Crap inside?" he thought with a great deal of disappointment.

"Hey, you'll need these."

Bobby turned around and Lewis tossed him the keys.

"She's out back. Be gentle my friend… with the Mustang."

"Yeah, yeah" Bobby said as he threw his hands up in the air and walked out the back door of the garage.

Lewis watched Bobby pull around front and onto the street. "Good luck man." He turned and headed back to the Camaro.

TBC

Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I like character interaction and back story. I really hope you're seeing what I see when I write it. The next chapter is all Alex and Bobby. So much angst!!!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 : Back to Good

Bobby pulled up in front of Alex's house at 5:55 PM. He shut off the Mustang and let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He had worried all day about what to say to Alex. He had reservations at a nice Italian restaurant in the city. He thought he would dive into the heart of the matter over a glass of wine. He had gone over and over it in his mind, but had refused to practice in the mirror. He didn't want to see the desperation he was sure plagued his features. Bobby stepped out onto the curb and looked up at her house. It seemed very – still. He froze. He hadn't actually considered that she might not show. Bobby started to think. "What kind of man forces a woman to retreat from her own home?" He paused. "A man like my father," was his next thought. Bobby moved to physically shake those thoughts from his head. He put his hands in his pockets and headed for her door. He rang the doorbell… no answer. He peeked in as best he could, but saw no movement in the house. The lights were on, but it appeared, that no one was home. He could feel the disappointment start to stir in the pit of his stomach. This time he knocked… still, no answer. "She's really not here," he thought as he peaked into the house again. He stepped back from the door and his chin dropped to his chest. "I've lost her" was his only thought. Bobby was standing at the door, lost within himself, when a distant, familiar voice broke through. Bobby blinked as if being roused from a deep sleep. He instinctively turned toward the voice. "What?" he said with a trace of hope.

I said "Nice car."

Bobby stared at Alex in wonder. She looked beautiful in her pink fitted sweater and gray slacks. Her cheeks were flushed and she was smiling. Bobby's lips were parted as if someone had hit the pause button mid-sentence.

"Bobby?"

Bobby took in a breath and, without taking his eyes off of her, he gestured toward the car with his thumb. "It's the Mustang we worked on together."

"Yeah, I recognize it. Are you OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just… " he trailed off.

"Thanks for breakfast by the way."

"Your welcome. Lewis said you would either shoot me or arrest me for B&E when I got here tonight"

Alex chuckled. "I probably should"

Bobby smiled, a real, genuine, just for you smile that Alex had not seen for a very long time. She could see him start to relax. He made his way down to the bottom step.

"Where did you come from... just now?"

"Oh, I've been setting on the back porch. I heard you knock."

"I thought you were gone."

"Why do you always assume the worst from me Bobby? Have I ever let you down?"

"No… no, you haven't"

Bobby started to look down at his feet again, but Alex made a quick move toward him and forced him to hold her gaze.

"Bobby," Alex said within a sigh as she took his hand and pulled him down onto the step to set with her. She put her arm through his and laid her head on his shoulder. "What are we gonna' do about us?"

Bobby laid the side of his head on top of hers. "I don't know. You have any ideas?"

"A few" she said very matter-of-factly. She picked up her head and turned to face him without letting go of his arm. "But, why don't you start."

"OK," Bobby said with resolve. He put his hand over hers and looked to the sky for help. He stood and soon began to pace, back and forth in front of her steps. She could only smile and wait for him to gather his thoughts. He stopped suddenly and looked at her. "Are you cold? Do you want to go inside?"

"No" she said softly. "Not yet."

He broke away from her gaze and started moving again, shuffling his feet.

"Alex… you've never let me down. You're not the problem"

Alex stayed silent and let him talk it through. She watched him moving back and forth in front of her. She had seen him do it so many times at the office, but she had never appreciated the grace with which he moved. It was like an eighteenth century waltz. She could imagine him in a line with other suitors moving in time with the music across from a line of young ladies in long flowing gowns. Soon the partners would come together in a beautiful waltz but, for now, the ladies watched in anticipation while the men moved closer. Alex was brought back to the here and now with his abrupt stop. He dropped his hands to his side and inhaled a deep cleansing breath. He sat back down on the step next to Alex. She put her hand on his knee for support and patted his leg in encouragement. He looked at her hand for a second. It was enchanting – small, yet strong and steady. It felt like a lifeline and he took it. He placed her hand in his and kept it covered with his other hand – amazed at how it disappeared between his much larger hands. Alex laced her fingers between his and studied the connection herself.

Bobby began. "When you were gone… the first time, on maternity leave,… I was… frustrated most of the time… agitated, anxious for you to get back. I was even angry at you for being gone. Then I realized, it wasn't anger … It was fear. I started to realize just how much I depend on you." Bobby never took his eyes off of their clasped hands. He took in a breath and squeezed her hand before continuing. His voice was darker when he spoke. "When you were gone the second time… when Jo." He couldn't finish the sentence. He turned to look at her. "I couldn't breath… I couldn't… I've never felt that kind of terror before." He had to look away. The guilt and the fear that he carried from that event in their lives was still too much. Even now, his respirations increased and his pulse quickened. Alex could feel him struggling next to her.

"Bobby," she said in barely more than a whisper as she brought her free hand to his cheek. "Ease down. I'm here and I'm safe." Her thumb moved lightly from the corner of his lips to the corner of his eye. "I don't blame you for what happened. I never have. Do you remember when I told you that I didn't scream? She wanted me to, but I didn't. You said that saved my life. I didn't scream Bobby, because you told me not to. It was your voice that I kept hearing in my head. I just kept thinking about you, about getting back to you. You gave me the strength I needed to get the hell out of there."

Bobby started to shake his head and Alex dropped her hand to her lap. "You saved yourself Alex. I was worthless until I knew you were safe."

"Yeah, I did save myself. And I'm proud of that fact. I'm just saying Bobby, you and I, we're a team. We're more in tune than most married couples I know. We're bound to have ups and downs. I just want to get through this "down" time and get back to good."

"Yeah, me too… Alex, I'm sorry that I told you to back off. I was wrong to take it out on you. I… I didn't want you to see how much I really need you. You were doing so well, even after Ray Wizenski. I could feel myself slipping. I didn't want to take you down with me so I pushed… I pushed hard, and I was wrong."

Alex gave him an understanding smile. Bobby continued.

"The line… the invisible line between us. It started to blur… then my brother showed up… He knew. It took him a half second, for as long as it had been since I had last spoken to him, he knew… He asked me what I was waiting for. He started talking you up to my mom. It planted a seed. I couldn't get it out of my head… The only thing I knew to do was push. Asking you to trust me when I went to see Mark Ford Brady, that was unfair." Bobby again looked down at his feet. "But I knew you'd let me go… Alex," he said as he stood to move around. "Alex, there's something I haven't told you."

Her brow furrowed with worry from the look on Bobby's face.

Bobby looked down at his hands and back up at Alex.

"When I went to see Brady… he baited me… he used my mother… my weakness… he baited me, and I took it, hook line and sinker." His voice was frantic.

"What happened Bobby?" she asked with the clear intent of finding out.

"I tried to kill him, Alex. I put my hands around his neck. I shoved him against the wall. I was gonna' kill him. The guards, they were gonna' let me."

"What happened Bobby?" she asked slowly, again with resolve.

"I stopped… He told me to go ahead… to... to do it. He said I had it in me… That's when I stopped. I knew what he meant and I decided, in that instant, that he was wrong. If someone like you could believe in me… like you do, who was he to say who I really am…"

Her eyes narrowed. "What are you not telling me Bobby?"

It was uncanny the way she could read him. He knew he had to tell her. It was now or never. He slowed his pace. "He and my mother… they had an affair. But, I… I think things must have changed in the end. Frank said he remembered a man, he called him "Uncle Mark". He said he came around when Dad was gone. She went to visit him one weekend. When she came back, everything was different. She was different. Something happened between them. Something bad… He was evil… The night my mom died, she told me she was never sure… about me… about who… which one."

Alex stood and moved at an even pace. She stopped toe to toe with Bobby.

"Now you listen to me." There was anger in her voice, not at him, rather, for him… anger coupled with sheer determination. She accented her determination with her pointer finger as it made contact with his chest and stayed there with even, steady pressure. "I don't give a damn who your father is. Brady is no worse than what you already thought you had. I've watched you fight that demon time and time again. You're a product of what you've overcome, Bobby. You are what you've made of yourself. You have more compassion in your little finger than most people carry in their entire being. I've never met anyone who feels more for their fellowman than you do. I refuse to let you equate yourself with either of those men. I'm proud of you Bobby. I'm proud of who you are and what you stand for. You think you can't do without me. You think I'm some sort of anchor between you and your sanity. I'm not Bobby. I rely on you as much as you rely on me. And that line you mentioned, the one you said that started to blur. I can't even see it anymore. There is sooo much between us Bobby, most of which I couldn't even begin to put into words. There's just no room for anyone else. It's too late."

"Yeah, you said that already"

"What?"

"At the FDA offices… I asked you if you still worried about me tainting your career… if you still thought about making captain. You said it was too late."

"It is too late, Bobby. But that's not a bad thing." She stood up on her tippy toes and gripped his forearm to reassure him. "I wouldn't trade you for any of it."

He didn't plan it. He didn't even think about it. For once in his life, he just let it happen. He cupped her face in his hands and held her eyes with his. He slowly closed what little distance was left between them. He paused. Her lips parted, ever so slightly. It was all he needed. In the next moment, his lips were on hers, just a brush at first, but when Alex lifted her hands and gently bunched his shirt in each one, he kissed her with all the need and want he had kept in check for too many years. He started to pull away. She pulled him closer. It was a long, lingering kiss - one they had both waited far too long to share. He moved one hand above her ear and into her hair. The other hand dropped to wrap her in a tight embrace. Alex slid her hands up his back and held on for dear life. When they broke apart, Alex was afraid to open her eyes. She was afraid she would see an apology in his. Bobby placed his forehead gently on hers. Still holding on tightly, he broke the silence. "Are we OK?"

Unlike the time before, Alex responded with a breathy but heartfelt, "Yeah, we're good. We're very good."

Bobby lifted his head from hers and Alex opened her eyes. There was no apology on Bobby's face, no fear, and no regret.

TBC

Unfortunately there is more angst in their future. We still have to tackle Tates and move on to Purgatory (what a mess that was!). Thanks again for reading.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Alex smiled. That's all she could do. She was finally where she belonged, wrapped up in his arms. He smiled back. "So, how about that ride?"

"What?" He looked very confused. An expression she wasn't used to seeing on his face, but she found it to be very endearing.

"The Mustang! How about we take that drive now?"

"We've already missed our reservation in the city"

"Let me guess. Italian. You were gonna' butter me up with wine and cheese, weren't you?"

Bobby chuckled. "Am I really that easy to read?"

"I'm gonna' go with 'no' on that one." She couldn't stop the snark, not even now.

"So where do you want to go?" he asked.

"I don't really care. I just want to go"

"You want to drive don't you?" He removed his arm from around her back and pulled the keys out of his pocket. He held them at eye level with Alex.

Alex chewed at her lower lip. She really, really wanted to drive. In one rapid and smooth move, she grabbed the keys and started walking backwards toward the Mustang. "You coming?" she teased. When Bobby made a quick move toward her she squealed, yes squealed (Alex doesn't squeal) and took off for the car. She was in the driver's seat and revving the engine before Bobby even made it to the passenger door. He slid in next to her. "Please be careful Alex, I love her."

"I'm not gonna' hurt her" she said as she caressed the dashboard. I'm just gonna' let her run for a while." With that, she squealed the tires and left a cloud of smoke in their wake.

At 2 a.m., they pulled back in front of Alex's house. She was positively giddy. "Oh Bobby, I can't remember the last time I felt this free and relaxed." She turned to face him. "Thank you" she said with clear sincerity.

Bobby turned his body toward her, anxious to get a better look at this side of Alex. A side he never knew existed. He traced the outline of her jaw. So this is what Alex looked like in love. How could it be that he was the source of this happiness, her happiness? He silently thanked God for the blessing, and he vowed to do his best not to blow it.

Alex broke the silence. "It's late. Do you want to come inside?" The giddiness was gone, replaced by the low growl of a proposition.

"Yes, I do. But I really better not"

"You've slept in my bed before and remained a perfectly _frustrating_ gentleman."

"Things are different now. I know what it's like to kiss you." He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "And to hold you." He slid his lips down to her cheek. "Not because you need to be held after a nightmare." He kissed her chin. "But because you want to be held." He kissed her nose. "And because I want you." He moved back down to lightly brush her lips with his.

For a long moment, she was unable to move, content to simply be. She sat with her eyes closed, her head tilted back against the seat, and her lips ever so slightly parted. Her eyes fluttered open. She looked at Bobby and then down to his hands. She took one in her own and started to play with his fingers, lacing hers in and out of his. "I have something to confess." Her expression was serious and Bobby started to tense. "When you stayed with me… after Jo Gage... I started to look forward to waking up with you. The few times I woke before you, I would watch you sleep, and I would pretend that the circumstances were different. I would pretend that you were there, not out of guilt or worry, but because you wanted to be there… because you _belonged_ there. Some of the times that I called you to my room, I hadn't really had a nightmare. I just wanted to feel you next to me. I slept better with you there… beside me."

His lips curled into a genuine smile full of shyness from the compliment and confidence from her confession. He leaned over and kissed her again, a soft yet passionate kiss that left Alex wanting more. "I sleep better with you in my arms too."

"Then you'll stay." It wasn't a question, and he had no choice but to agree.

**TBC**

Thanks for reading. This chapter was short and rather "fluffy", but don't you think these two deserve a little fluff?


	8. Chapter 8

The next couple of chapters cover _untethered_ in light of Bobby and Alex's new relationship. It will be a series of missing scenes, each presented in chapter format. Hopefully they transition well with the scenes in the _untethered_ episode. Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 8

They had spent the better part of the day gathering information on Donnie's case including background material on all persons involved. Alex had researched Tate's Corrections. In spite of all the patented, politically correct, published information on Tate's, including its mission statement and goals for rehabilitation, it still sounded like a horrible place. When she wasn't gathering info on Tate's, she was stealing glances at Bobby, watching him gather data, wondering how he was processing the promise of another living family member. She ached for him, knowing he feared the worst, but doing his best to hope for the good in another Goren.

Bobby was quiet on the way home. He barely touched his dinner. She had expected it. He was going through the day in his mind, processing what had transpired. She watched as his facial expressions changed with his thoughts, completely oblivious to his onlooker. After dinner, he collapsed on her couch leaning his head back on the pillows trying to stave the headache making its way to the front of his head. She heard him sigh from the kitchen. She put the leftovers in the frig and went to him. She settled on the couch next to him and pulled her knees up to rest them in his lap. His eyes were closed. Without lifting his head, he turned to look up at her. She offered him a sympathetic smile.

"I'm sorry Frank put you in the middle of this."

She shook her head and kept her smile. "No matter, I would have ended up there anyway."

He grunted in weary amusement.

She scooted down to rest her head on his shoulder. She soothed him with gentle strokes across his chest, back and forth while making small, familiar circles with her fingers. She felt him relax. He felt her smile against his chest in response.

"So, we've gathered the facts," she began. "Donnie obviously got a raw deal." She tilted her head back to look up at him. "Where do you want to go from here?"

"I don't know… I... I guess I have to talk to the captain… see if he's willing to help."

She sat up and nodded once in confirmation. "OK. We'll talk to him first thing in the morning."

"No" he said decisively. "You're not involved in this one."

Her temper started to flair and she felt old wounds threaten to surface. "What do you mean I'm not involved? Bobby...."

"No, Eames." He cut her off. "This is not about pushing you away. This is about preserving your job and shielding you from my addict brother. With Frank… things can get ugly fast."

"First of all," she countered, "cut the Eames crap, Bobby. Second of all, Frank approached _me_ remember? I'm already involved. Third, do you really think you're gonna' get _anywhere_ with Ross without me?" Her cheeks were flushed and her eyebrows had nearly disappeared into her hairline. She waited for Bobby's response, but he said nothing. He only looked at her with dark, pleading eyes.

"Bobby, you can't do this one by yourself. It's too big. It's too raw." She gently placed her hand on his cheek and started to trace the outline of his jaw with her thumb. It was somewhat of a routine now. When he needed comfort or reassurance, she helped him ease down by touching his face. Whether she rubbed his cheek with her fingers or traced his jaw with her thumb, he always relaxed into her touch. This simple, intimate gesture calmed the storm. In this instance, it soothed the ache he felt deep in the recesses of his heart for what could have been, for what once was between he and his brother.

"Bobby" she said at barely more than a whisper. He opened his eyes. "We'll do this together?"

He covered her hand with his and kissed her palm. He nodded, unable to speak. His lip curved into a half smile.

"Come on." She stood and tugged on the hand she still held. "Let's get some sleep. We'll tackle Ross in the morning and go from there."

They walked down the hall still holding hands while Alex led the way. He was content to let her lead on. They turned into her bedroom and Alex headed toward the master bath. Bobby undressed in the bedroom and pulled a pair of pajama pants out of the drawer Alex had emptied for his things. He heard her in the bathroom brushing her teeth. Alex spat in the sink and reached for a towel to wipe her mouth. That's when she saw him leaning against the doorframe, watching her. She smiled up at him with a freshly washed face, her hair pulled up in a clip.

"What?" she said with a curious smile.

Bobby's eyes were dark and stormy.

"I'm in love with you." He said it with absolute commitment. The words flew across the room and hit her with such force, she thought she might collapse. She took in a quick breath, a reflex. Outwardly, she quickly composed herself. "Is that right?" Inside, she was a big ball of goo. She leaned against the sink for support.

Bobby nodded. "Yes, it is." It came out in a low growl. He pushed away from the door frame.

Alex grabbed the sink in response as Bobby made his way to her. "Well," she said and tried to keep her voice steady, "that's very convenient because, it just so happens, I'm in love with you too."

In an instant, she was crushed against his chest. His hand was in her hair sending the loosely placed clip flying. His lips captured hers and she melted into him. She lost her ability to think, to reason. She acted and reacted according to his lead. Bobby willingly lost himself in Alex. In her touch, in her need, and in her love, he found a freedom he had never known. He was free to love and to be loved. He was confident in her love, in _their_ love. He felt it. And, at long last he owned it, that confidence that only comes from being loved completely and totally. The unconditional love he had yearned for his entire life was here, in his arms, reflected in her eyes.

TBC

Aaah, if only! Who's with me?


	9. Chapter 9

This chapter is fluff / _filler,_ if you will. The next scene in _untethered _was short, contained completely within Ross's office. And, according to wardrobe, covered an entire day in less than 30 seconds, giving me very little to work with. So, in the interest of keeping with the episode, here goes nothing! Stick with me, there is more substance in the chapters to come and please remember to review. It means sooo much!!!

**Chapter 9**

Alex padded down the hall, half awake, toward the scent of fresh Columbian blend. She rounded the corner into the kitchen and headed straight for the coffee maker. Bobby was sitting at the kitchen table reading the morning paper, drinking his coffee and eating cinnamon toast. He looked up as Alex entered the room and grinned in adoration at her morning hair and sleepy eyes. Her pursuit was clear. Coffee, "sweet nectar of life" Alex had once called it. She swept past him without so much as a glance. It was quickly becoming their morning routine. Bobby was always up first. He showered and shaved (or not), dressed, started the coffee maker and retrieved the morning paper. Each morning, he left a coffee mug on the counter next to the coffee pot for Alex. She poured her cup, doctored it properly with milk and sugar and took that first eye opening sip. He heard her sigh. She turned to face him and leaned against the counter. She met his amused eyes over her cup. Another sip and a deep, awakening breath. With a pencil thin smile and still heavy eyes, she offered, "morning."

Bobby nodded and met her greeting with his own. "morning."

She shuffled toward him and ran one hand through his hair as she leaned down, first to give him a quick kiss and second, to steal a piece of cinnamon toast. Bobby watched her leave. "_How can two words between us leave me wanting and yet settled and secure at the same time_," he wondered.

Forty five minutes later, Alex reappeared in the kitchen, this time fully human. She stopped just short of Bobby as if she was seeing him for the first time that morning. He looked at her and raised his eyebrows, "What?"

"Is that the only suit you have over here?"

"Yes… Why... Is there something wrong with it?"

"No. Come on let's go. Not a good day to be late"

"Wait," he called, as she was already heading to the front door. "What's wrong with this suit?"

Alex walked through the front door and stood on the porch holding it open for Bobby. He stepped through and turned to lock up. Alex headed for the SUV. She started it up and Bobby fell into the passenger seat, portfolio in hand. He buckled up and turned to face her. "Alex, what is wrong with this suit?"

"Nothing really… it's just not my favorite, that's all"

Bobby looked perplexed. Alex chuckled to herself at the expression on his face. Without a word, Bobby turned to right himself in the seat. Three lights later, Bobby asked, "Is it the color or the fit?"

The light turned green, Alex looked both ways before crossing the intersection and before giving Bobby an answer. "I just like your dark suits better. What I really like, is when you take your tie off, undo a button or two and roll up your sleeves. That, my dear, is a good look."

Again, Bobby looked perplexed. Not another word was said until they reached the parking garage at 1PP. Alex was in a good mood. He could tell by the way she swung her hips on the way in to 1PP. "_She ought to be after last night_," he thought and couldn't help but smile at the memory, quite pleased with himself and his _performance_.

Still no words in the elevator except for the tune Alex was humming to herself. Just before the elevator doors opened, Alex turned to Bobby with a mischievous grin. "Naked is another good look for you." With that, she exited the elevator leaving Bobby with flushed cheeks.

They sat across from each other and watched Captain Ross enter the bullpen. They gave him time to poor his coffee and settle in for the day. With a file folder full of facts about Donny and Tates they descended upon his office. The meeting ended with Goren having been dismissed and Eames left to plead their case alone. In the end, Ross came through, at least for now. Donny was to be transferred to Rikers as a potential witness for 24 hours.

"I just don't understand why he always has to _dismiss_ me like a child while the parents discuss the next course of action."

"I don't know Bobby. Like I told you before, I didn't give him a chance to speak before I let into him about keeping you clear of involvement and offering to be the face on the case. He made his decision and shuffled me out of his office too."

"Why couldn't he say all that in front of me?"

"I don't know." They stopped in front of her car in the 1PP garage.

"So I'll stop by my place and pick up some things. Then, I'll see you at the house."

"OK," she nodded. "Are you picking up dinner or do you want leftovers?"

"I'll pick something up. I've got to make a few stops between my place and home anyway."

Alex smiled. "I'll see you in a bit then." She started the car and watched him open the driver's side door to the SUV. "_Home - he called my place home_," she thought and held back the flood of emotion rising in her chest. She drew in a breath and headed that way - home.

Bobby showered and threw on his jeans and an NYPD sweatshirt, a dark navy one. He gathered his things in a duffle and carefully folded the gray suit into a bundle. On the way _home, _he stopped at the drug store and the neighborhood Blockbuster. He had one more errand.

"Hello, how are you this evening?" the attendant asked cheerfully.

"I'm good, thank you. I'd like to drop this off please."

"Sir, this is beautiful!! Are you sure?"

"Yes, hopefully you can use it"

"We certainly can. We don't get many donations in this size. This suit looks brand new. Can I ask why the generous donation?"

"I'm just not… comfortable in it anymore. Darker is better, I think."

"Well, we surely appreciate the donation. We'll put it to good use."

Bobby left, feeling good about the donation, and headed to Charlieboy's Diner for takeout. Eames loved their fries best.

**TBC**

Go ahead, tell me what you think!!

Thanks


	10. Chapter 10

This was the toughest chapter yet to write. I've written, rewritten, and written it again. Hope it does them justice. Please review. All suggestions welcomed and appreciated!!

Chapter 10

Alex was on the couch reading a book when she heard Bobby's key in the door. Her stomach began to churn, but she was relieved to have him home. She looked at the clock, 9:46 P.M. "_long day_," she thought. She turned to greet him as he walked into the den. Bobby stopped just inside the room. He looked weary as he stood with his hands in his pockets.

"Hey" he said.

Alex silently held her hand out to him. He moved toward her and gladly accepted her invitation. He sat on the coffee table across from her and focused on their joined hands. "I… I'm sorry… for today. I blew it"

Alex nodded sympathetically and ran her free hand through his curls. "Yes. You did."

He looked up at her with a fleeting glance and back down at their hands.

"Where've you been all day?"

"I've been working on a way to get to Donny," he said slowly, apologetically.

"You want to fill me in?"

"I'm going to Tates… I have to make sure he's alright."

"And how exactly do you propose to do that?"

Bobby looked at her again. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again before forming any words.

"Bobby?" It was a question, but it was delivered with a stern warning. Alex feared his answer.

"I'm going to get myself thrown into Tates," he said, very matter-of-factly, as if he was telling her he was heading to the super market.

"No. No. Bobby it's too dangerous. Besides that, it'll never work. You can't be sure that you'll even end up at Tates."

"I have to do this Alex." His voice conveyed quiet resolve.

She threw his hand away and jumped to her feet. "That's bull shit Bobby! Up until three days ago, you didn't even know Donny existed. No," she shook her head, "you _don't_ have to do this!"

Bobby was on his feet as well. "I do have to do this Alex. He's my nephew!"

"You don't even _know_ him, Bobby" Her voice had reached a feverish pitch.

"It doesn't matter, Alex. He's family! He's the only family I have left."

"What about me?" He could see the anger and the hurt in her expression.

"You know what I mean. He's a _good _kid. He's in trouble. You said yourself he got screwed."

"Yes, Bobby. I agree. He got screwed. But you are _not_ responsible for him. And how are you so sure he's a _good_ kid? I should have never told you I talked to Frank."

"You had to tell me. Frank didn't leave you any choice."

"Bobby," Her voice was steadier, calmer, "Please Don't Do This."

"Alex.. I can't… I can't just... _not_ do anything to help. He's at risk."

"You will be too, Bobby." There was so much anguish in her voice. She could barely speak above a whisper.

He took a small step toward her. "I'll be fine… I will."

Alex stood, defiant, with her arms crossed over her chest. "You don't know that."

Bobby rubbed the back of his neck. "I _have_ to do this, Alex." He shrugged and let his hands fall to his sides. "I don't know what else to say."

She dropped her head and growled in frustration, a little louder than she meant to. She ran her hands through her hair and let them fall to her sides as well. It didn't matter how much she screamed or cried or begged. She could see in his eyes that his mind was made up. Alex surveyed the man standing in front of her, the man she loved with all her heart. He was such a conundrum. Why he felt like he had to champion every hard luck case, she would never know. She did, however, understandd family, and she knew that Bobby did, in deed, have to do this. It was one of the many reasons she loved him.

She drew in a deep breath. "I'm gonna' take a shower, calm down, and then we're gonna' talk about this. Your not going to Tates completely untethered. We need a plan, a good plan. But, right now, I need a shower."

Bobby nodded and let her go. He sank into the recliner and started rubbing his eyes. He hadn't even considered how his plan might affect her. He had hurt her by not considering her feelings. Her reaction, just as it had been when he re-opened Joe's case, was clouded by emotion. He had expected it then. Joe was her husband. He should have expected it this time, but he was simply too self-absorbed. With Joe's case, he had pressed forward in his search for the truth without thinking of the damage he could cause in the wake of his pursuit. When he decided to go to Tates, he hadn't planned on her being involved at all. "_That's the problem, isn't it?" _he thought. "_She __**is**__ involved, no matter how hard I push… I can't do it without her… I don't want to do anything without her."_ He rubbed his eyes harder. "I'm a selfish ass."

Bobby crawled into bed, put his hands behind his head, and stared at the ceiling. Still deep in thought, he didn't hear Alex enter the room. She stopped to study him for a moment. She had decided while in the shower that if he was determined to do this, she was determined to get him there and back in one piece. He looked so tired, his eyes weary. She settled on top of the covers to sit and face him. She put her hand on his chest in a gesture of love and comfort.

"Hey"

"Hey," he said and covered her hand with his.

"So, tell me what you have so far." She was all business. The wall that separated personal from professional was up and the edgy sarcasm that kept her grounded was firmly in place. He knew it was just her way of coping with their present situation.

"I'm gonna' take the bus up to Truvey where Donny was arrested and have a chat with our car dealer judge."

"That's probably the _straightest_ route to Tates."

"I'll call you as soon as I can. According to your research, inmates get a phone call every 48 hours."

She nodded. "Did you create an identity today?"

"Yeah," he hesitated, "I've got that covered."

Alex caught his hesitation. "What are you not telling me?"

"Nothing… I just… I'm a history teacher from upstate."

"And your name would be?"

Bobby bit the inside of his lip. "William Brady"

"Brady" she said flatly. "Really, Bobby?," she snipped; her tone was rich with snark. She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Anyway, don't forget to take care of your prints on the way."

"Right"

"Bobby?" The wall came crashing down. "Are you _sure_ about this? Are you sure there isn't another way?"

He could see the anguish in her eyes. He hated that he was the cause. "Alex, I'm sorry," he whispered. "I just don't see one… There's gonna' be hell to pay when this is done, you know. You don't have to be involved... I don't want you going down for this with me."

"Don't even go there Bobby. I'm already involved. There is no way in hell I'm letting you go up there without, at least, a contact."

He started to protest. She held up one finger to effectively silence him. "The subject is closed."

She curled up next to him and buried her head in his chest. "I'm scared for you Bobby."

He squeezed her tight.

"Just promise me you'll stay under the radar. Don't draw attention to yourself."

When he didn't answer, she rolled over onto her stomach to again face him.

She knew he would never make her a promise that he didn't intend to keep. It just wasn't in his makeup. "At least promise me you'll be careful."

"I will." He pushed a runaway strand of hair away from her face.

"I guess that just leaves one more thing."

He furrowed his brow into a question.

"You need to make love to me. You know, for luck," she grinned.

Bobby chuckled and flipped her onto her back in one easy move. He pulled her in close. "Thank you."

She rubbed her hand over his scruffy cheek. "Just come home safe, OK?... I love you, Bobby."

He couldn't hear it enough, yet some small part of him was still surprised every time she said it. He responded in earnest, "I love you too Alex. You're the reason my heart is finally whole."

Moved by his sincerety, she pulled him down into a long, hard kiss. He responded with passion, deepening the kiss. He wanted her to feel, to know, that he needed her, that he loved her with everything he had.

Alex spotted his bus first. "There it is, 106. Looks like they're loading"

She turned to face him and put her hands on his chest. "Call me when you get there, and call me as soon as you can after. I promise you, Bobby, if I don't hear from you every 48 hours, I'm going to Ross." She stood on her tiptoes. "Or, if I think somethin's not right, I'm going to Ross. You understand?"

"I understand."

She fell back on her heels. "You just get there, take care of business, and get home. Alright?"

"Alright," he nodded.

She threw her arms around his neck and held him close. "You're the reason _my_ heart is finally whole."

When she pulled back, he could see the tears welling up in her eyes. He kissed her quickly but firmly and headed for his bus. It was going to be a long trip upstate.

**TBC**

I already have the final chapter mapped out and should wrap this thing up soon. Please let me know what you think! Thanks!!


	11. Chapter 11

This chapter starts in the SUV on the way to Tates and ends at the hospital.

Chapter 11

_**On the way to Tates:**_

"Eames," Ross said quietly, breaking the 30 minute silence between them. "Is there something I should know… something maybe I _shouldn't_ know… happening between you and Goren?" He glanced her way to try and survey her reaction.

Alex remained cool. "He's my partner. I'm worried about him."

"Is that all?"

"Aren't you concerned?" she snapped. She knew she wasn't being fair.

"I wouldn't be driving upstate in the middle of a rainstorm at 2Am on a Saturday morning if I were anything else, now would I?"

"I appreciate you being here, Captain." With that, Alex effectively ended the conversation.

At Tates, Alex and Captain Ross were at long last escorted to a small, rectangular shaped room, not much wider than a broom closet. There was one bed pushed up against the back wall. On her tippy toes, over Ross's shoulder, Alex saw a large figure sprawled on the bed as if he had been tossed up and onto it from the door. Half of Bobby lay face down on the dungy sheet while the other half draped the side of the bed and settled on the floor. There was very little if any movement. Alex pushed past Ross and fell to her knees by Bobby's head. She hesitated as she reached to touch him, afraid of what she might discover. She spoke his name as she stroked his cheek. His eyelids began to flutter. He tried to speak her name. That's when she focused on his dry, chapped lips. She sucked in a breath and called out for an ambulance. Stunned, no one moved. This time she screamed, "Get an ambulance!!" Ross jumped and turned to face the warden. "Call 911 now." His eyes narrowed "Tell them an officer is down... Move!" The warden stared back as if to challenge his order, but quickly gestured to one of her guards. With a tight smile, while continuing to glare at Ross, she spoke to her guard in a cold sarcastic tone . "You heard the captain. We need an ambulance. A Major Case detective is in trouble."

"Hang in there Bobby. I'm taking you home," Alex whispered as she stroked Bobby's hair. Against her will, tears slipped down her cheek. Bobby tried desperatley to open his eyes. He felt as if he were lying under an elephant. He could hear Alex calling and he could see her face behind his eyes. She was smiling and biddding him to come closer. He tried to move toward her but found himslef sinking into an ivisible sink hole. She was moving further and further away. He could hear her calling, but he could no longer see her. He panicked. Alex saw his body start to twitch. "He's seizing!" she screamed. "Where's the ambulance? Get medical! Get someone from medical!" She tuned back to Bobby, still on her knees, and covered him with her body as best as she could. "It's ok, Bobby," she whispered. He jerked so violently that she had to hold on to him to maintain her balance. "Shhhhh, Bobby, ease down. The ambulance is coming and we're gonna' get you out of here. Easy Bobby. You're gonna' be ok. It's all over. We're going home."

"_Home," _Bobby thought. "_Home. Alex_." His body began to relax. Alex could feel the release. "Bobby..." His eyelids did not flutter. "Bobby?" She sank back down on her heels. "Bobby!... Captain he's not responding!"

"The paramedics are here!," Ross shouted over his shoulder as he scurried down the hall to meet them. Alex could here him them coming. "He's dehydrated and unconcious. He's one of my detectives... just here in this room."

The paramedics rounded the corner and Aex reluctantly moved away from Bobby to allow them as much space as possible in the tiny room. "Let's get him back on the bed and roll him onto the gurney," an impossibly young looking paramedic suggested to his partner. The two men struggled to lift Bobby back onto the bed. Ross tried to help, but there was simply not enough room for three men to maneuver. "One, two, three..." Bobby's lifeless form was unceremoniously rolled and flung onto the much too small rolling bed. Alex felt the bile creep into her throat. It was suddenly difficult to breath. She trotted behind the men as they wheeled Bobby to the service truck entrance and into the ambulance.

"Which hospital?" Captain Ross asked as the younger man locked the gurney wheels into palce. He pointed West, "Go straight, 6 miles, on your left." With that, the ambulance doors shut. Alex could see the two men through the windows as they bent to work on Bobby.

"Eames.... Eames!" She jumped unconciously and stared blankly at her captain. "Eames, let's go. We'll wait for them at the hospital." She opened her mouth to speak but quickly closed it again. She nodded and started for the SUV. Ross was in front of her, headed for the driver's side. She passed him as he approached the door. Grabbing the handle she said without turning around, "I always drive," and slammed the door closed before he could protest.

_**At the hospital**_

Alex parked outside the main entrance. The hospital was small and easy to navigate. By the time she reached the attendant in emergency, Ross was just entering the building.

"Detective Robert Goren. They just brought him in in an ambulance from Tates Corrections."

"Let me see where they took him. I'll be right back," Ross heard the attendant say as he approached the desk. Alex was chewing on her thumbnail, eyes wide.

The attendant returned without delay. "They put him in curtain three. Dr. Martin is with him now."

"Curtain three, this way?" Alex was already heading down the hall.

"Yes mam. The third one from this end."

Alex shot down the hall. She met Dr. Martin coming out of the small room marked #3.

"Dr. Martin?"

"Yes?"

"Hi. I'm Detective Alex Eames. Is Detective Goren OK?"

"He will be. Is there an emergency contact that you know of?"

"I'm his emergency contact. I have medical power of attorney should he not be able to speak for himself."

"Oh, I see. Well, Detective Goren is severely dehydrated and suffers from exhaustion. They started a line in the ambulance. We'll rehydrate over the next 24 hours. If all goes well, I expect he'll be released in a couple of days. He has some fairly significant but superficial wounds. He's sleeping right now, and we are monitoring him closely."

"Can I see him?"

"Sure," he said with a nod.

Alex returned the nod and headed into the room. Ross thanked the doctor and followed after her.

Just on the other side of the curtain, Alex stopped short at the sight of Bobby lying on the bed, IV line flowing, monitors chirping. Ross had to dance sideways to keep from running over her. To her credit, Alex said nothing. She gathered herself quickly and moved to the side of the bed.

"Bobby?" she said tentatively as she placed her hand on his. "Bobby it's me." Aware of Ross's presence, she stopped herself from any further display. A nurse entered the room. Alex released Bobby's hand and stepped back.

"Just checking his vitals, dear. You're fine where you are. We'll be moving Mr. Goren upstairs here in a minute, to his room for the night."

Alex and Ross stood quietly while the plump little nurse fussed over Bobby.

"Everything OK," Alex asked when the nurse had finished.

"He's doing fine, dear." She sent Alex a very reassuring smile.

"Do you know his room number," Ross asked.

"I'll let you know as soon as I find out."

"Thank you,"Alex offered.

"Eames, I'm going to go and find out about food and lodging. See if they have a place in the hospital to sleep for a while."

"OK," she answered, but never took her eyes off Bobby.

Once Ross had left, Alex stepped closer to Bobby. This time, she lifted his hand to her face and kissed his knuckles. She kept his hand next to her cheek and allowed a stray tear to escape. Reaching forward, she gently ran her hand through his badly tangled curls. "What did they do to you in there," she whispered.

Bobby's mouth twitched, the way it always did when he was agitated. Alex sat on the bed next to him and cupped his face. "I'm here Bobby," she whispered into his mouth as she brushed her lips against his. The twitching stopped.

Alex sat comfortably next to him on the bed, keeping one hand on his chest, watching for any signs of distress or discomfort. She was so engrossed in Bobby, she didn't hear the nurse and the rather large orderly enter the room.

"We're gonna' take him up now, dear." Alex felt a caring squeeze on her arm. She pulled her focus from Bobby and met a kind smile on the nurse's face. "OK?"

"Yes," Alex nodded as she surveyed the nurse. She had kind eyes and a reassuring smile. "What's your name?"

"Hilda, dear, thank you for asking"

"Thank you for taking care of Bobby."

"Oh, my pleasure, I can see you love him a great deal. Try not to worry, dear. He's gonna' be just fine."

Alex stepped back as the orderly began to roll Bobby's bed toward the curtain door.

"He'll be in room 428. Joseph here will see to it that he's comfortable in his new room."

"Thank you again." Alex said as she followed Bobby and Joseph, the orderly, to the elevators.

Room 428 was much darker than curtain 3. Bobby's new nurse had checked his vitals with very little fuss and turned out all the lights but one before leaving. Alex felt a hardy yawn working its way up from her diaphragm. Bobby had been away from that horrible place for three hours now. Alex just wanted to get him home. Ross appeared next to her out of nowhere. She jumped when he spoke. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I ate some lunch in the cafeteria. It's not too bad. Why don't you get something to eat; I'll stay here until you get back."

"I'm really not hungry right now, but thanks."

"Eames, you should eat."

"I will"

"There are two rooms on every floor for family members to use. Under the circumstances, the hospital administrator has been kind enough to extend those privileges to us. I'm going to get some sleep. I suggest you do the same. The rooms are on this end of the hall." He handed her a key. "I'll be in F401, you have the key to F402. We'll head back as soon as Goren is able"

"Thank you, sir"

Alone again with Bobby. Maybe it was the quiet, lonely darkness. Maybe it was the gentle rise and fall of his chest, or the soft hum of the fluid pump. Whatever it was, she was suddenly overcome. The tears started to leak out of her eyes, slowly at first with little or no sound. Before she could calm herself, the tears were flowing one on top of the other and she was sobbing, standing three feet from Bobby's bed holding herself with her arms wrapped around her front. She wanted to run to him, to wake him up and scream at him; first to let him know that he was safe and that she loved him and then, secondly, she wanted punch him, square in the mouth for being so… so Bobby. Her hands fell to her sides as she moved forward, deliberately, one foot in front of the other, to stand by his bed. She laid her head on his chest and let herself cry it out. She was surprised to feel the sudden weight on the top of her head. It moved gently to land on the back of her neck. She turned to rest her chin on Bobby's chest. He was awake. She blew out a breath she wasn't aware she was holding. She pulled herself up and sat next to him on the bed holding the lead weight that had fallen from her neck. Bobby tried to speak but could only manage a strained squeak.

"Here, let me get you some water. It'll make your throat feel better."

Bobby nodded and Alex filled a cup with ice cold water from the pitcher the nurse had left. She added the straw she found lying next to the pitcher and helped Bobby take a drink. She could tell it hurt to swallow. He took another drink and seemed to ease.

"Am I still at Tates" he asked through a heavily wounded voice.

"No, honey, you're in the hospital. The doctor says that with some fluids and some rest, you'll be fine." She smiled as she watched Bobby absorb his surroundings. "Just don't get too comfortable. We're out of here tomorrow or so."

"How long have…."

"Just a few hours," she interrupted, not wanting him to waste his words. "I'm sorry I woke you up."

"You look……"

"Terrible, I know. We drove all night to get to you."

Bobby's face scrunched into a question.

"Ross. Captain Ross is with me. When you didn't call, I went to him for help. I didn't know what else to do. I threatened to come up here and get you myself."

Bobby squeezed her hand and gently pulled her toward him. She lay across his chest and nuzzled his neck with her face.

Alex finally broke the silence. "You scared the hell out of me Bobby."

Not yet ready to talk about it, Bobby pulled her in tighter and rested his chin on the top of her head.

"Try to rest."

"Will you stay with me?'

She shifted so that she was curled up next to him on her side. "I'll stay right here."

Holding on to each other they drifted off to sleep.

**7:30 PM**

Ross opened the door to Bobby's room. He had already tried Eames' family room with no luck. What he saw didn't exactly shock him, it more confirmed his suspicions. Alex and Bobby were perfectly entwined sleeping like two puppies curled up together.

Ross took in a deep breath. "Right," he said and headed back out toward the cafeteria.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**1PP; ****3:00 P.M.**

"Eames" she answered without looking up from the file.

"Hey, Babe"

She sat up and smiled into the phone as the sound of his voice warmed her from head to toe.

"Hey! I love that you call me that."

"Really? The first time it slipped out, I thought you might slug me"

"Anyone else I would have, but it sounds good coming from you. How was your session today?"

"Good… really good."

"Oh yeah? I think it took me a little longer to get comfortable with Olivet, but I'm glad things are going well. What time did you and Lewis get back last night?"

"Around midnight or so. I didn't want to wake you up."

"No, that's fine. Did you have a good trip?"

"Yeah, we did."

"Good. I want to hear all about it. Will you be out tonight?"

"I'll have dinner waiting for you when you get home."

"Wow. What did I do to deserve that?"

"More than you'll ever know. Besides that, I missed you."

"You were only gone three days. But, I missed you too."

"I'll see you tonight."

"Bye"

Alex returned to her files as Captain Ross swept into the bullpen. "Detective Eames, a word please? In my office." It was more of an order than a request.

Alex took a moment to clear her head. She walked slowly toward Ross's office. She knocked on the open glass door before entering. He had his back to the door, surveying the ceiling with his hands shoved deep in his pockets. She scratched at her thumb nail with her middle finger nervously waiting for Ross to begin. He turned to face her.

"I just met with the Chief of D's. He's an arrogant son of a bitch."

"Yes, Sir," Alex agreed.

Ross shot her a half smile. "That said. Have you spoken with your partner today?"

"Briefly"

"How's he doing?"

"As well as can be expected. Sir, is ther something you would like to share with me about your meeting with the Chief of D's?"

Ross hesitated. "No, nothing for you to be concerned with. I just wanted to know that Goren is ok."

"Yes, sir"

"When is his next session with Olivet?"

"Day after tomorrow I think."

"Good, good... that's all detective, thank you"

Alex nodded curtly and exited the captain's office with a very unsettled feeling deep in her gut. "That was weird," she muttered under her breath. Something was wrong, very wrong.

**4:30 P.M.; Alex's house**

Bobby walked through the door and called for Alex. "Alex, are you here?"

"I'm in the back."

He pulled his key from the door and adjusted the sack of groceries he was carrying. "What are you doing home so early?" he shouted.

He was startled to find her closing in on him when he turned around. She bounded toward him and took to her tippy toes. Her lips met his. In an instant her arms were around his neck and the grocery bag was on the floor. "I missed you," she purred.

"I bet I missed you more."

"Talk is cheap, Detective. You need to convince me." Alex was off her feet and over Bobby's shoulder before she knew what had happened. She didn't know he could move that fast, but she was on the bed before she could find her breath.

TBC

This was just a bit of fluff to move us to the next chapter. (It's kind of dark!). Thanks for reading. Please remember to review.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

"Hey, it's me… Call me when you can… I'm worried, Bobby…" Alex sighed heavily as she hung up the phone.

**48 Hours Ago (Alex):**

Alex returned home from work to find the house empty. She had grown used to Bobby either coming home with her or meeting her at the door when she turned the lock. That all too recently buried fear threatened to surface as she reached inside the house to turn on the foyer light. "Bobby!" she called. He didn't answer. She moved cautiously into the front hallway. "Bobby!" - still no answer. She moved into the kitchen and saw the note lying on the table. Her name was scrawled across the folded piece of paper in Bobby's handwriting. She could tell he had been agitated when he wrote it. She reached for the note, acutely aware of how empty the house felt. She slid into a chair as she opened the note.

_Dearest Alex,_

_Forgive me. I need some time. You mean everything to me, please know that. _

_Whatever happens, however this turns out, I love you. I was dead inside. You saved me._

_Yours,_

_Bobby_

"Bobby," she whispered as tears trailed down her cheek. "What have you done?"

**Two days and what seemed like 100 phone calls later:**

She had not seen him in 48 hours. Ross had been MIA as well. When he appeared in the bullpen, it took everything she had to remain calm. She followed him into his office and shut the door behind her. "Detective, is there…?"

"Where is he?" she demanded.

"Who?"

"Don't do that. Where's Bobby?"

"I have no idea," he said in earnest. "When's the last time you saw him?"

"Two days ago." The anger left her voice. It was now thick with worry.

"Did something happen?"

"I don't know. When I got home from work, I found a note from him on my kitchen table."

"What did it say?"

"Just that …" She was careful not to reveal any personal details. "It was vague, Captain. He said he was taking some time. He just... disappeared."

"Well, maybe he's doing just that… taking some time."

Alex blew out the deep breath she had been holding. She nodded, afraid that if she spoke, she would betray their secret. "Look, Eames, don't you think if Goren was in trouble, you'd be the first person he'd call?"

She cut her eyes at him and pursed her lips. Again she could only nod.

"Detective, this case you and Jeffries are working on… keep your head in the game… and be careful. I'm afraid it could get ugly fast."

"Yes sir," she replied half heartedly.

"Detective," he snapped.

Her head shot up. "Look, Goren is a grown man. He's not gonna' do anything stupid… not if he wants his shield back… You need to concentrate on this case… you're the senior partner."

She drew in a cleansing breath. "Yes sir"

The captain seemed convinced. He allowed her to exit his office with no further comment. Alex returned to her desk, still heart sick, and threw herself into researching the few leads they had. At 6:00, she pulled her eyes from her computer and stood to stretch. Her new partner had left over an hour ago. She quickly scanned the bullpen. The shift had changed. There were very few detectives left from this morning. She made her way to a corner by the filing cabinet and flipped open her cell phone - voice mail, again. "Hey, it's me… Call me when you can… I'm worried, Bobby…" Alex sighed heavily as she hung up the phone.

**48 hours ago (Bobby):**

Bobby sat at the kitchen table in a crumpled heap. He fought an internal battle. Telll her and risk losing his badge forever. Worse than that, tell her and risk losing her badge. Ross had given him strict orders, directly from Moran.. "Do not tell anyone, especially your partner." He knew that if he told her, she would only want to help. He wouldn't be able to keep her from it. He convinced himself that he was doing this for her protection, for their future, for his shield. But, boy would there be hell to pay. "Please forgive me Alex," he whispered with his head tucked between his elbows on the table. He scruffed the back of his neck. It was 3:00. She would be home in less than three hours. He picked up the pin and carefully scripted his goodbye. In anguish, he folded the note and scribbled her name across the front. He left with only the close on his back.

Driving back to his apartment, he beat himself verbally for ever entering that cop bar. He had lied to Alex. He knew that he could not tell her the truth about his session with Olivet. It was still too raw. He needed a Scotch to level his nerves. He had told her that the session went well that day. In fact, it had been his roughest hour since Tates. Olivet had poked and prodded until he broke. He relived "heaven" and every nightmare he had had since leaving Tates. She said it was necessary to release the demons. He could never move forward if he didn't. He desperately wanted to move forward. He had not let Alex know about the nightmares. In some of the nightmares, he was in "heaven" alone, drying up, fading into darkness. In others, he was on the other side of the window watching Alex suffer in the smothering dry heat, trying desperately to get to her. Those were the worst. In yet others, the only way to get water was to make a deal with the devil. Mark Ford Brady stood next to Bobby's imprisoned figure holding a tall glass of water in one hand and the key to his restraints in the other. "Join me, son. You and I can do great things together. Say you'll join me and the restraints are gone. The water is yours." He would awake with a jolt and move quietly to the kitchen to wash his face and clear his head. He told Olivet about the dreams. He relived Tates in the hope that it would all go away. That session unnerved him. Facing Alex with the truth was more than he could endure. So he went to the bar. He downed a Scotch and sat staring at a second when the opportunity to get his shield back presented itself. Now here he was, undercover and all alone.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14 (Purgatory)**

Maybe it had simply been a rough visit with Olivet, Alex thought as she pushed her Lo Mien around in the takeout box. She remembered her rough visit, after Jo Gage. Dr. Olivet called it her breakthrough session. Alex was exhausted after that visit. It was one of those nights that Bobby simply held her until she fell asleep, wrapped up in his arms. That was before they had figured out the line between professional and personal had disappeared. That was also the way she chose to handle it. Bobby was an entirely different creature. It had now been three days since she had had any contact with Bobby. She stared at her silent cell phone, desperate for it to ring.

* * *

Bobby flopped onto his couch. "I'm too old for this shit," he said out loud and threw his arm over his eyes. It was 2:00 A.M. A small chirp broke the silence. He blindly reached for his cell phone on the coffee table. "First unheard message: "Hey it's me… Call me when you can… I'm worried Bobby." He pushed #7 to delete. "Second unheard message: "Bobby, call me. I love you. Just call me… let me know you're o.k." He started to hit #7. Instead he listened again. "Second unheard message: "Bobby, call me. I love you…" He sat up on the couch and quickly turned his cell phone off for the night. "I love you, too," he whispered. He headed to the shower to try and scrub away the filth and the guilt that engulfed him. The filth seemed to slide off of Testerosa and onto him. The guilt was homemade.

* * *

"Bobby!" He turned to find Alex heading toward him outside the diner where they had enjoyed more than one breakfast together.

"_Damn it Alex_," he thought. He turned half way toward her, unable to face her directly.

"I left you a message. You never called me back"

"I've been busy." Inside his heart was breaking. "I'll give you a call, o.k." He could see that he had hurt her. He could tell his cold demeanor cut deep, but he couldn't be seen talking to her. He couldn't let her get anywhere near his undercover operation. If he wanted his badge back, he had to do this right. If he wanted to protect her, he had to push her away. He had strict orders. He new it was crap that he had been ordered to keep her out of the loop. He new it was a way for the Chief of D's to exercise his power, to let him know that it was his way or the highway. If he wanted to be with Alex in any way, shape or form, he had to play by the rules.

Alex stood dumbfounded in front of the diner. Unable to move, she watched him disappear into the crowd. She made her way back to the station in a haze. Jefferies met her half way to her desk. "You'll never guess what I found."

She stared at him blankly.

"You o.k. Detective Eames?"

"I… uhm, yeah I'm fine. What did you find?"

* * *

Alex threw herself into her work. Something wasn't right with this case. Nothing was right at home. It had been weeks since Bobby had turned his back on her in front of their diner. He had four weeks left on suspension. She wasn't sure that he would even return to Major Case. Alex worked to the point of exhaustion. It was the only way she could sleep at night. She still felt numb, like she was sleep walking through the hours outside of work. She felt nothing until that night. Seeing Bobby towering over her, gun drawn and pointing at her head, she died a little more. Realizing she could have shot him, ended his life, she was jolted from her haze and it made her nauseous. It was the way she felt as a teenager when her dad would flip on the light and yell "Alex! Time to wake up!" It was so loud and bright and caustic. The next few hours were a blur. Alex fought hard to keep her bearings. As bad as things had been, her world truly came crashing down around her standing outside Bobby's open cell door. She could almost forgive him for being sucked in by Testerosa. But she could not forgive him for lying to her. Not again.

Bobby thought that he had seen and felt the worst this world could throw at him, but he was wrong. Facing Alex as Ross unlocked the cell door, seeing the look on her face as realization set in, feeling the sting of her tirade on betrayal, those were the hardest moments of his life, bar none. He replayed the conversation over and over in his head. "I was trying to protect you."

"Since when?" she responded.

"_Since always_" he thought.

* * *

Bobby sucked in a deep breath as the elevator doors opened. He tried to smile as he sat down at his desk. He reached for a stack of folders to keep his hands busy. He wasn't even sure of what he said. All he saw was her leaving. With nothing left to do, he opened the drawer to throw the files in. That's when he found it. He knew he was a marked man.

The day he got his badge back, was the first day he had seen Alex since she walked out and left him defeated in the observation room. He had gone to her house that evening. He had waited for hours outside not daring to use his key. She never came home. He called her cell, no answer. He called her sister who confirmed that Alex was at her house but not available to come to the phone. "Tell her I'm sorry. Tell her it was the only way," he pleaded.

"I'll tell her Bobby". He could hear the sadness in her voice. That's when he panicked. He couldn't breath. He felt like he had at Tate's when he knew he would die on that table in "heaven". He called her cell phone, knowing she wouldn't answer. "Alex… I…," he drew in a ragged breath, "I… please Alex". That was before he found the rat, before he knew he had to give up the one thing that truly mattered. He had his badge back, but it had cost him. To protect Alex, he had to shut her out of his life.

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: I was so frustrated with the end of Goren and Eams that I could not finish their story. However, since their return, I have been inspired. I hope to wrap this up quickly. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 15**

And shut her out of his life, he did. So much so that when she told him he was no longer welcome at Major Case, he could only kiss her on the cheek and walk away. He was so used to walking away that he barely felt the pull to stay this time. Alex, on the other hand, felt it deeply, as she always did where Bobby was concerned.

It had been four months since she had called the Chief and kindly declined his offer to take the Captain's position. Homicide wasn't so bad. It was no different, really, than Major Case. It seemed that when the not so rich and famous wound up dead, it was generally for the same reasons that the elite ended up that way – jealousy, lust, greed…

Her partner was a good guy. He was young, capable, and respectful. Detective Brandon Marshall had a pretty wife and a new baby girl. He had goals, too. He wanted to work Major Case. He considered Alex a bit of a legend in her own time. And he had questions, lots and lots of questions. Two weeks into their partnership, he asked her about the infamous Detective Goren. She was reluctant to go there at first, but Marshall seemed to have no preconceived notions about Bobby. He knew only of his record and of the rumors. He was genuinely interested in Alex and Bobby's history together at Major Case. Alex had forced herself not to think about Bobby since the day he walked out of 1PP and seemingly out of her life forever. Once she opened up to Marshall, she found the memories, while tinged with pain, were happy and cherished memories after all. "No regrets," she had told Marshall with finality. He had not asked about Detective Goren since. He was intuitive enough to know that he would get no more from his partner on the subject.

It had been a particularly blah Friday. The rain kept coming and coming. She and Marshall had spent the day tracking down the girlfriend of a potential suspect only to find, at the fifth door they knocked on, that she had been sent to rehab in Maryland two weeks ago. One quick phone call confirmed her alibi. Alex considered it a wasted day. She called her father on the way home and promised to stop by tomorrow. She blamed a hard day at work for her absence this evening. He said he understood and suggested she bring Bobby and a bottle of Scotch with her on Saturday. She said she would see what she could come up with. Perhaps it was the weather or maybe, if she was being honest with herself, it was the mention of his name that made her feel so lonely. She wondered if he was lonely too. She picked up her phone and scrolled through the names on her speed dial list. "Partner". She stared at the word on her phone. She remembered Bobby, next to her in her bed, looking over her shoulder and watching her enter the names and numbers in her new phone. "Partner?" he had said as she entered his cell number next to the word. She had looked at him, one eyebrow raised in challenge. "Yes… partner… always". He had kissed her then. He had kissed her in answer to her challenge. "Always and in all ways," he had said. They had made love that night. She was warm and tense remembering the way he moved, remembering the way he held her like she was the most delicate and most precious object on the earth. She shuddered and pulled her phone to her heart as a bright flash of lightening illuminated her front porch. That's when she saw the hulking figure stationed on her top step. She squinted into the rain and the darkness uncertain now if she had really seen him. A loud clap of thunder made her jump. It seemed to echo the sound of her heartbeat in her ears. Then, another flash of lightening confirmed what she had seen. There was Bobby, dripping wet on her front porch, his attention focused in her direction. She stuffed her phone in her front pocket and made a mad dash from the car. She slipped a little on the top step and Bobby instinctively grabbed for her. She sucked in her breath and steadied herself against him. He stepped back holding her at arms length, reluctant to let her go. "I'm o.k." she said a little more sharply than she had meant to. He let go of her arms and shoved his hands in his pockets. He was soaking wet. Standing there on her front porch, soaked to the bone, he was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. It tore at her heart to be so close yet so very, very far from him. "You should come inside, you're all wet."

"I…" was his only reply.

"Just come inside, o.k.?"

He nodded his consent and followed her through the front door. "Are you cold?" He must have seen how her hands shook as she tried to unlock the door.

Inside the house, she turned the lock and fiddled with the knob allowing herself a moment to gain her composure. She spun to face him. "No, I'm not cold," she said flatly, "Stay here. I'll get some towels." She sped past him and down the hall. He stood very still, dripping in her foyer. She returned shortly and handed him a small stack of towels and a change of clothes. He recognized the t-shirt on top. It was his. She hadn't gotten rid of his things. "I'm gonna' go change… You do the same." He nodded in answer.

When she returned, she found him in the kitchen making coffee. She leaned against the doorway and watched him. She still loved the way he moved. He was so graceful to be so big. She sighed and he turned. He paused and took her in, top to bottom, with heavily lidded eyes. She watched as they visibly darkened. Not one to be still for long, he pointed to the machine, "Coffee…"

She chuckled, a nervous, throaty noise that she couldn't help. The corner of his lip curved up ever so slightly and then it was gone. "You left Major Case."

"Yes," she said as she pushed off the doorway and plopped into a kitchen chair.

He leaned back onto the counter. "Why?"

She shrugged. "I guess I just didn't want to do it without you." There was no emotion in her voice. She had played this scene over and over in her mind, hundreds, maybe thousands of times. But here, now, on this melancholy day, she had no emotion to conjure. The truth is what it is. She simply did not want to do it without him.

"Alex…"

"Don't Bobby. It's not your fault. And I won't help you beat yourself up. The truth is, I was ready for a change. You and I had not been "us" for a very long time. Besides, I like homicide. All the fun of Major Case minus the politics."

The coffeemaker beeped and Bobby pushed off the counter. He made two cups of coffee, one black and one with too much sugar and cream. He handed Alex hers and sat down across from her at the table.

"Why are you here," she asked, not unkindly.

"I've been working… with the FBI… on the Captain's case."

Alex took a deliberate sip of coffee. "And?"

"And… I'm going away for a bit, to tie up a few loose ends."

Alex hugged her knees up to her chest. "Is it very dangerous?"

"The usual, I guess."

"Can you tell me where you're going?"

"No, but I will if you want to know."

"Just tell me you won't take any unnecessary chances."

"I won't"

Another sip of coffee. "When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow"

She pursed her lips together. "Are you here to say goodbye?"

"I'm here to… Alex, I …" He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I don't know why I'm here except that I wanted… I needed to see you."

Alex unfolded herself from her chair and squatted downnext to his. She tentatively reached for his face. He instinctively leaned into her touch. She rubbed his jaw with her thumb. "I'm glad you're here." She cupped his face with both hands. "When this is done, you come back... to me".

He rested his forehead on hers. "I love you." His voice was barely a whisper.

She placed a small kiss on his forehead. "I know." She stood up, taking his hands in hers. "Come on, let's get some sleep".

She led him to her room and turned the covers back. Without a word, she crossed the room and disappeared. Bobby removed his pants and sat lightly on the bed. He could hear Alex in the bathroom going through her nightly routine. When she reappeared, he looked at her with a mix of fear and hope that tore at her sole. She flipped out the light and he felt, rather than saw, her crawl into bed. Finding his arm in the dark she pulled him down on his side. Without a word, she fitted herself to him and held him close. She kissed the back of his neck and whispered, "I love you, too." She could feel him shake as his silent tears escaped to run down his cheeks and onto the pillow. In silence, they each drifted into peaceful sleep.

**TBC** (All reviews appreciated)


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16 **

"Detective?"

Alex looked up from her desk. How long had she been staring into space? "Mrs. Menendez, what can I do for you?"

"I just wanted to thank you again for catching the man that did this terrible thing to my daughter… my Anna."

Alex gave her an empathetic smile. "Yes, mam."

"Your partner is not here?"

"Um, I'm not sure. He was here just a second ago. If you would like to have a seat, I'll go and find him."

"No, no. I don't want to take up anymore of your time. You have important work to do. You looked as if you had something setting in your mind when I walked up."

"No, nothing new anyway."

"Well," Mrs. Menendez offered Alex a shaky hand, "thank you again and you will give Detective Auxland a thank you as well."

"Yes, mam."

Alex watched Mrs. Menendez walk out of the precinct as her partner returned to his desk.

"What did the mom want?"

"Mrs. Me-nen-dez came to thank us."

"Ah, did she leave any parting gifts?"

"You're an ass. I mean really. What is wrong with you? She just found out an even bigger ass than you killed her only daughter for the hell of it, and you want to know if she left you a gift?"

"Geez Alex, lighten up. Sometimes people like her bake cookies or do something to show their appreciation."

"People like her?" There was fire in her eyes but Auxland was either too arrogant or too stupid to back away. Lucky for him, Captain Hannah appeared at their desks with an invitation for Alex to join him in his office.

"How are things with Auxland?"

"He's an ass."

"Yes, he is. But you didn't answer my question."

"Things are fine, I guess."

"You were in homicide, how long?"

"8 months"

"Glad to be back at Major Case?"

"I will be." Careful not to betray any emotion, she asked, "Have you heard from him?"

"No, but I did hear from his superior."

"And?" She was in no mood for games.

"And, they are officially dotting the "I's" and crossing the "T's" as we speak. He should be home soon."

She smiled. She couldn't help it.

Three months ago, Captain Hannah had called to request a face to face with Alex. They met at a coffee shop in neutral territory between 1PP and Rockaway homicide. Hannah introduced himself as an old friend of Bobby's. He wanted to know if there was any chance she would consider returning to Major Case. She respectfully declined his offer. Hannah, however had upped the ante when he suggested that Bobby return also. Alex did not see how that would ever happen, even with Moran relieved of his duties as the Chief of Detectives. Hannah made it clear that, as Captain of Major Case, he had the final say as to who filled his bullpen. The dust from the administrative shake up that the NYPD had just experienced was beginning to settle. Captain Hannah spoke highly of the newly placed brass. He said that he had personally worked with several of them over the years and that they were, for the most part, a good group of men and women. He asked Alex to consider the offer and to let him know. They spent the next hour exchanging stories. Alex listened as Hannah offered up more than one memory of Bobby. She knew she was smiling a little too big at the mention of his name, but it was wonderful to hear a "higher up" speak about Bobby with admiration and praise.

As the conversation slowed Hannah asked, "Detective Eams, could I ask you something of a personal nature?"

"You can ask," she retorted, clearly guarded.

"Why did you walk away? From the Captain's position, from Major Case?"

"My Dad was a cop. He loved his job, but he let it destroy him. He drinks too much… gets lost in his regrets. Staying at Major Case without my partner would have destroyed me. And as far as the captain's job goes, I wasn't willing to join forces with the then current administration, not when my first order of business was to fire my best… my partner."

Captain Hannah nodded once, "Understood. Just think about my offer."

"I will, but…"

"Would it help if I told you that I spoke to your partner last week?"

"Auxland?" she replied, more than a little irritated.

"No, not Auxland… Goren."

"What? How did you…?"

"I have a few contacts at the FBI myself. They expect this thing to wrap up in the next month or so. I left word that I was taking over Major Case and that I wanted Goren back when his gig with the FBI is up. He agreed, contingent upon one condition."

"Yes?"

"That I convince his partner to return too."

Her face betrayed no emotion. She simply said, "I'm in."

Captain Hannah extended his hand to Alex and said, "I look forward to working with you. I'll talk to your Captain and have you transferred back. I'll also leave word with the FBI… let them give Bobby the good news."

"Thank you"

"Thank you, detective. I'll be in touch."

That was three months ago. She returned to Major Case two weeks later, having wrapped things up at Homicide. Partnering with Auxland had been regrettable, but she considered him a speed bump on the road to getting Bobby back. It had been 11 months since she had come home to a dripping wet Bobby on her front porch. They had said hello and goodbye in a night and she physically ached to see him again. She had received six letters in those 11 months. All were sealed in a blank envelope stuffed inside a security envelope from the FBI field office in New Mexico. In his letters, he never complained about his present situation other than to say that he missed her terribly and that he would be home to her soon. He always ended the letters with a poetic quote and signed each with "all my love". She replied to his letters in kind, addressing them to Bobby in care of the field office. She had no idea if he received them or not. Driving home from work, she kept hearing Captain Hannah's voice, "He should be home soon."

"_Not soon enough," _she thought.

**Thanks for reading. I'll watch the series finale tomorrow (wipes a wayward tear) and finish this story up as well**.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Alex woke up tired. Deep, restful sleep had eluded her for two weeks. The captain said he would be home soon; whatever the hell "soon" meant in FBI time was anyone's guess.

It was Friday and she and Auxland had cleared a surprisingly straight forward case earlier that morning. She was so sick of Auxland. The weekend off was a welcome relief. She stopped by her father's place to empty the ash trays and to take out the trash. Her father was in a particularly good mood having won a nice take at his Thursday night poker game.

"Hey, baby girl. Have I thanked you lately for taking such good care of your old man?"

"Sure thing, Pop," she answered as she checked the frig for the staples – milk, eggs, and cheese. All present and accounted for.

"How are they treating you down at 1PP these days?"

"Everything is good. No complaints."

"You and Bobby worked things out yet?"

"I told you, Pop. Bobby's been gone for almost a year now. I haven't talk to him."

"But you still think about him, right?"

"Don't start." Alex was busy tidying up the small apartment.

"Don't start what? I'm just saying, you care about the guy and I know he cares about you. I may be old and washed up, but I still got eyes. I see the way he looks at you. That doesn't just go away."

"Well, I'll let you know just as soon as I know. The captain said he should be home from his assignment soon."

"When he gets home, you send him by with a bottle of that Scotch he likes so much. He and I need to discuss his intentions."

"Sure thing, Pop. I've got to go… you need anything else?"

"No, no, I'm fine."

Alex patted him on the shoulder and headed back out to her car. She pulled in a long breath of fresh air and headed home. She was just getting out of the shower when her phone rang. She didn't recognize the number and hesitated, at first, to answer.

"Eams," she answered on a sigh.

"Alex, you o.k.?"

She nearly dropped the phone. "Bobby! Bobby, where are you?"

"I'm out front paying for my cab." She could hear him smiling.

"You're here… out front… at… at my house?" She dropped the phone and took off running before he could answer. She threw open the front door and squinted into the dark. He seemed to materialize as he made his way up the walk. She waited, frozen, as he climbed the front porch steps. He stopped just in front of her and dropped his duffle bag. She shivered even though the evening air was rather warm. The corner of his lips turned upward, ever so slightly, forming a shy smile. It was more than Alex could bear. She threw her arms around his neck and molded herself to him. Bobby closed his eyes and held her as tightly as he dared. She felt him exhale and sink down into her embrace. She pulled back, just far enough to see into his heavily lidded eyes. She moved her hands to play with the curls at the back of his neck. "You need a haircut," she teased.

His eyes darkened. "I need you," he whispered.

She crushed his lips with hers. Her kiss was hungry and eager. He met her need with his own. They half stumbled to the bedroom, leaving a trail of Bobby's clothing down the hall. When they reached the bed, Bobby smoothed Alex's hair away from her face. Her smile reached her eyes. "I love you," he whispered and began tracing her jaw with small, tender brushes from his lips. He pulled her robe off one shoulder and traced the curve of her neck, down to her collar bone. He untied her robe and caressed her arms as it slid to the floor. He lifted her just under her bottom so that her legs wrapped around his waist. His kisses were slow and deliberate, heartbreakingly tender. He sat on the bed with her straddling his lap. She teased his curls with her fingers as his hands and his mouth began an agonizingly slow exploration. Then he lifted her and gently placed her on her back as he hovered just above her. "Alex… I …"

"I love you, Bobby."

**Monday morning 1PP**

When the elevator doors opened in the parking garage at 1PP, Bobby hesitated as Alex boarded. "You coming?" she asked with her eyebrows raised. He took a deep breath and stepped forward in silence. On the ride up, they were alone for five floors. Alex held his hand and whispered, "Just remember, he asked _you_ to come back, not the other way around."

When the elevator opened on the fifth floor, Peter what's his name, the sign language interpreter stepped on to the elevator. "Alexandra, so nice to see you… Detective Goren," he said with a curt nod in Bobby's direction. Bobby flinched at the way he said his name.

"Hello, Peter. How have you been?" Alex asked.

"Doing well, thank you. And you?"

"Great, thanks."

They rode in awkward silence to the ninth floor. When he exited, Alex turned to Bobby, "His attitude has nothing to do with your return. You know why he doesn't like you."

Bobby chuckled. "Yeah, because you liked me better."

"Exactly. Everything is gonna' be fine." She smoothed his tie and bounced up on her toes to give him one quick peck on the cheek. "For luck," she said with a wink.

When the doors to 1PP opened, Bobby followed Alex to his old desk which was, at present, being occupied by a young, skinny guy in an Abercrombie sweater and a pair of kaki pants. Alex pointed in his general direction. "Meet Detective Auxland." Bobby extended his hand and received a rather delicate handshake in return. "Robert Goren," he stated.

"Goren? You were Alex's partner."

"_Is_ her partner," came a voice from behind Detective Auxland. Captain Hannah strode past Auxland with an outstretched hand to Bobby. "Good to see you Bobby."

"You too, Captain." As the two big men shook hands, Alex could see the tension fall from Bobby's shoulders.

"Detective Auxland, while the department appreciates your work here at Major Case, I'm afraid your temporary assignment has come to an end. You are being transferred back to homicide, effective immediately. Should a position in Major Case become available, you will be the first one I call. Now… Detective Eams, Detective Goren if you will join me in my office, we have a few housekeeping issues to attend to."

"You'll be the first one I call?" whispered Eams as they crossed the room.

"Well, maybe the second or third," the captain answered as he held the door to his office open for his two detectives.

"I'm glad you're here, Goren. You too, Eams. Your clear rate over the ten years or so you worked together is beyond impressive." They both offered humble smiles in answer. "That said… I did my homework. I talked to Jimmy Deakens, looked over your jackets, so on and so forth and concluded that this department is very much in need of your services. As I explained to you on the phone, Bobby, you'll be required to attend eight sessions with a Dr. Grayson, psychiatrist, as a part of your reinstatement. Brass overruled me on that one, although it may not be such a bad idea. You've had a lot to deal with here in the recent past."

Bobby nodded.

"Don't worry, though. From what I hear, this Dr. Grayson is pretty easy on the eyes." Bobby smiled politely while Alex furrowed that deep brow of hers. "As of right now, you two are officially back in business. I expect nothing less than your best. I want to be kept in the loop at all times, and I want you to know that you can come to me with any problems or concerns. You afford me that, and you can rest assured that I will always have your back."

"Thank you, Captain. I know you're the reason I'm back and I appreciate it."

"Your reputation and Detective Eams' reputation, that's why you're back."

They thanked the captain again and headed back to their desks. Bobby's desk was now unoccupied as Auxland had very few belongings to gather. "Easy on the eyes, my ass," Alex grumbled as soon as they were out of earshot of the captain. Bobby sniffed and tried to hide a smile as they parted ways at their desks. He sat down across from Alex and felt a peace that he had not felt in a very long time.

**A/N: **Peter the interpreter was one of my favorite characters to dislike. If you watch that episode, Bobby is very threatened by him. Bobby and I both (ha-ha) hated the way he called Alex, Alexandra. It was one of the few "shippy" episodes they gave us. The episode is called Silencer and I wrote a short little FF based on that episode because the writers set it up so well for a shipper to draw conclusions.

One more chapter ought to wrap this up. It will take place in the series finale (again with the tears!)

Thank you for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Bobby jerked his chair back and fell into it a little too hard. Alex lifted an eyebrow at him from across their desks. "Care to share?"

"I screwed up."

"Come on, let's get some lunch." Alex popped up out of her chair and grabbed her jacket. Bobby sat scrubbing the back of his neck with his hand. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he rose to follow Alex. They didn't speak on the elevator. It was crowded at the lunch hour and full of idle chatter. He followed her silently through the front doors of 1PP. They grabbed a seat at a busy little diner just down the block.

"What happened?" Alex asked.

Bobby shook his head. "I… I lost it with Gyson. She asked about you and… and I panicked. Then I… I tried," he shook his head. "I tried to cover and ended up accusing her of thinking I was hitting on her. Then I just got mad… and…."

"Wait. Start over. She asked you about me. What did she want to know?"

Bobby leaned back heavily in the booth. "She wanted to know if I have romantic feelings for you."

"And you said?" Alex tried to see his eyes but the salt shaker had his complete attention.

"I… I said something about respecting you… and… and that you're like a sister to me…"

Alex tried to stifle her laugh but just ended up choking on her sip of diet coke. Bobby's head shot up and he stared at her in disbelief.

"I'm sorry Bobby, but I'm like a sister to you?" Her eyebrows disappeared into her hair. "That's guy speak for 'Yeah, I like her'. Gyson knows."

"What do I do now?"

"You have to tell her the truth. She has to trust you, Bobby. It goes both ways. And, from what you've told me about her, I think you can trust her."

Bobby sat uncharacteristically still except for the finger he was tapping on the table. "What if…?" Alex's cell phone rang. She looked at the screen to see if she really needed to answer. "It's the captain. Eames… We're on our way." Alex dropped her hand onto Bobby's. "We'll talk more about it tonight, o.k.?"

Bobby nodded. "Where are we headed?"

"Rogers is waiting for us."

As strange as it might be, Alex loved to watch Bobby in the M.E.'s office. She and Rogers had discussed "Bobby and the bodies" in great length. After their captain's death, Alex had reached out to the very private medical examiner. They had become fairly close. Rogers was very good to her when she and Bobby had reopened Joe's case. She respected Bobby and seemed to understand him better than most. While they had tussled over more than one body, Bobby had a healthy respect for her as well. Alex excused herself from Roger's office to answer her cell phone. Bobby was standing next to the body with his fist to his mouth, contemplating their next move. Rogers stood at the victim's head. "Detective," she began but received no response from the big detective who was lost in thought. "Detective Goren?" Bobby slowly turned to face her, pulling himself away from his thoughts. He waited for her to continue.

"Detective, I just wanted to say that I'm glad you're back, you and Alex both." She shifted her weight back and forth, uncomfortable with her personal revelation. Bobby nodded. Alex stuck her head in the door, "The phone records and financials are back."

Bobby moved toward Rogers and the door. He stopped just past Rogers and turned back half way, "Thank you. It's good to be back. Believe it or not, I missed this." His hand flew wildly around his head. Rogers smiled. "I believe that coming from you." Bobby smiled too and headed through the door to find Alex.

The following weeks ran together. Bobby and Alex were swamped at work. Their evenings however belonged to them. Alex could see that he was healing. One night, after they had spent the day "on Broadway," Bobby pulled Alex close as they settled into bed. "Do you think we could have what other people have?"

"What do you mean?"

He pulled her in even closer. "You know, a normal life?"

"Normal? I'm not sure what normal is, exactly, but yes, I think that if we work at it…" she turned to face him. "We could make each other happy for the rest of our lives."

"Is that what you want?"

She buried her head into the crook of his neck. "A life with you? Yes, that's what I want."

"I love you, Alex. That won't change."

"I know. And I love you too." Alex yawned and Bobby stroked her arm until she fell asleep. For the first time, he allowed himself to contemplate the long term. It didn't scare him or leave him feeling empty and alone. He had hope, something he had not had in a very long time.

Thanks for reading! One more chapter ought to finish things up.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N Well, this is it, the last chapter. I hope you enjoy and thank you for reading my story. Thank you also to all the authors who have brought these beloved characters to life. Your stories inspire, sooth and entertain!**

**I know many people consider that the last scene took place on the same day as the final scene with Dr. Gyson. I, however, don't think he was wearing the same shirt. I choose to believe that she picked him up after his next session (one we were not privy too). I also choose to believe that he admitted a thing or two to Dr. Gyson in that session concerning his partner!**

**Chapter 19 **

He hadn't expected her to pick him up from Dr. Gyson's today, but, as always, he was glad to see her. She took his breath away standing outside their SUV.

"How did it go?"

"Good"

"Good"

She waited for him to elaborate. When he didn't, she explained why she was there. It was obvious that he had something on his brain, something he wasn't saying. She decided to give him time. As they slowed at the first red light, he spilled. "I told her about us." He had turned to face her in the front seat and he watched her reaction very closely. She smiled as the SUV came to a stop, then she turned to look at him. His expression said, "Well?"

"I'm glad."

"You are?"

"Yes, I told you, you should tell her. What did she say?"

"She already knew."

"I told you that too."

Alex pulled through the intersection. "Was she supportive?"

"Yes, we talked about you the whole time. She said that the way I feel about you is quite obvious and that being with you seemed like a good thing. She wanted to know how we balance our work life and our personal life and she said that she would like to… meet you… have a… a session that included you… if you're willing."

Alex made the only face that Bobby could never read. It's the face she makes when she is contemplating something. It's half question and half answer and it is centered in that furrow between her eyebrows. She half smiles and half puckers her lips.

"Yeah, sure, I'll go. I'd like to meet Dr. Easy-on-the-Eyes myself, anyway."

Bobby took a deep breath. "Good. I told her we would be there same time next week."

Alex rolled her eyes and parked the SUV just outside the yellow tape in front of the bank.

**Several weeks later:**

Alex woke to an empty bed. She still felt a small surge of panic when she woke to find Bobby gone. She took a calming breath and turned to look at the alarm clock. 9:00 A.M. She couldn't remember the last time she had slept in so late. She smelled coffee coming from the kitchen. After one last big stretch, she threw the covers back and headed for the bathroom. She could smell Bobby's cologne in the air. It smelled like home. In the kitchen, she found Bobby reading the paper at the table with a not so small young tree standing next to him.

"Morning," she said from the doorway. Bobby peaked around the corner of his newspaper, "Good morning".

Alex padded over to the coffee maker. "What's with the tree?" she asked as she added her sugar and cream.

"Oh," Bobby answered as if a tree in the middle of the kitchen was perfectly normal, "I bought it this morning from the nursery in Rockaway."

Alex leaned back against the counter and took a sip of coffee, waiting for further explanation.

"I uh… It's a Gingko tree… a female, because the males produce a rank smelling fruit. The Gingko is unique in that way."

"Uh, huh."

"Well… I ah… I thought we could plant it today…. Unless you have other plans."

"No, no plans."

"Good. I want to plant it in the city, in the garden that I took you to… the one with my mother's azaleas."

"Oh," she paused. This was strange even for Bobby. "Yeah, just let me shower and then we can go."

They drove the mustang into the city, top down, tree sticking up in the back seat like a flag. It was a beautiful October day and Alex felt content in just living and being.

"Do you want to get some lunch before we plant our tree?"

"Yeah, I could do with a little lunch." They pulled into a spot behind a small café near the garden. Inside, they chose a booth by the window so they could keep and eye on the tree (this was NY after all).

Bobby was unusually quiet at lunch and Alex got the feeling that something was on his mind. "Are you thinking about your Mom?"

"What?"

"You're so quiet. I just thought with the tree, maybe you were thinking about your Mom."

"No, not really."

"Are you thinking about work?"

"No"

"Bobby," Alex was starting to worry. "Are you going to tell me what's on your mind?"

"Later"

"Later?"

Bobby nodded.

"Bobby, what is it? You promised to always tell me the truth. If there's something bothering you, or something go…"

"Alex!" He covered her hands with his. "There is nothing wrong, I promise. I'm not keeping anything from you."

The deep frown that stretched from her eyebrows to her chin told Bobby that she was not convinced. "Alex," he said as soothingly as he could, "I promise, there is nothing wrong".

After lunch they pulled into a spot near the garden and headed for the iron gates. Alex was remembering the first time that Bobby brought her here when they turned into the gate. The beauty of the garden took her breath away. The azaleas were in full bloom and they were gorgeous. Someone had replaced the old bench with a beautiful wrought iron and wood bench. It was simple but sturdy. Alex suspected that Bobby had been the culprit. "It's even more beautiful than I remember."

"That's because we're here under better circumstances."

She smiled and followed him over to a spot near the new bench. "That's a lovely new addition."

"It's nice isn't it?" She smiled and he quickly looked away. There was a hole already dug, perfectly sized for their tree.

"That's awfully convenient."

"It's like someone knew we were coming, huh?"

"When did you do all of this?"

"All of what?" he asked while he broke the dirt around the roots and gently lowered the tree into the hole.

"Let's see… the bench, the hole?"

Bobby fluttered his hands around his head in response. Alex dropped down on her knees next to him and helped him fill the hole with the unearthed dirt.

"The Gingko is an ancient tree, long revered in the East… It represents longevity, hope, resilience, and peace."

Alex sat back on her heels. "Sounds perfect, but that doesn't surprise me."

Bobby patted the dirt down around the base of the tree and sat back on his heels next to Alex. "The leaves are shaped like fans. Next fall, after the leaves have weathered the summer, they'll turn a brilliant gold and fall off in waves. The ground will look like the yellow brick road."

Alex stood and reached a hand out to Bobby. He took it, as he always did and stood next to her in front of the tree… their tree. "It's beautiful"

"Not yet, but it will be. It's full of hope right now. As it grows, it'll find peace in this place. And, long after we're gone, when it has weathered year after year, proving its resilience, it will stand as a testament to our resilience... Alex," he took her other hand too and dropped to one knee in front of her, "you are my hope and my peace and I want to stand united with you no matter what life throws at us. Alex, will you marry me?" He dropped her hand long enough to reach into his pocket and pull out a small green velvet box. He presented it to her there on one knee. Hands shaking, Alex peaked inside the box. "Oh, Bobby," she said as her free hand flew to her heart.

He stood and positioned himself behind her so that he could look at the ring with her. "It was my mother's stone. I had it reset. The two smaller stones on each side are new… for our past and our future."

"It's…" her voice cracked as a tear made its way down her cheek. Bobby, unable to stand still, side stepped back in front of her. She looked up at him and back down at the ring. Bobby took the ring from the box and slid it on her finger. Alex stared at the ring and saw flashes of their past, present and future as they ran across her brain like a home movie. She jumped when Bobby's face appeared in front of hers. He was bent at the waste looking up at her like he would a suspect in interrogation, waiting desperately for her response. She laughed at his Bobbyesque invasion of her space and placed the hand with her new ring on his cheek. "I can't imagine my life without you."

Bobby stood to his full height and Alex gently placed her other hand on his chest. "Yes, I'll marry you. There is nothing that I want more."

Bobby covered her hand with his and softly kissed his bride to be. "I love you Alex. I love you with every fiber of my being, and I'm gonna' take care of you, of us, because this is what matters… you and me."

"I believe you. And I promise to take care of us too. I love you Bobby. I always have and I always will."

**The End**

**A/N Thanks so much for reading! I hope the ending did not disappoint. I hate to let these characters go, but they deserve the happy ending! Here's to Bobby and Alex!**


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